Wednesday, June 27, 2007

It's Still a Man's World

Abby says:
I’m not sure what to make of this. Due to the nature of my business, I have a lot of evening dinner meetings with clients. Sometimes I buy. Sometimes they buy. We trade off. More and more, I’m noticing a trend that continues to grate on my nerves when I personally pay the bill.

Here’s the scenario: We finish dinner. The check arrives in a leatherette holder. I take it, tuck my credit card in and hand it to the server. Is there any doubt who’s paying the bill? Not in my mind. Many times, the server returns and places the fake leather check apparatus in front of one of the men in our group. I don't even get an acknowledgment or second glance. Female servers are just as guilty as male servers.

Hello? My name was on that credit card. Do you not understand I am the person who controls your tip? I contemplate not leaving the tip amount I normally would – even if the service is good up until the check snafu. Then, I remember servers live on tips. I get over myself. It’s not totally their fault – rather their restaurant manager’s lack of training. As we leave, I ask to speak to the manager and let him/her know of my displeasure. Some apologize sincerely and say they will take care of it. Some apologize but you can tell they don’t get it. Sometimes, I go back to my favorite restaurant haunts and it happens all over again.

I even have a female client (one of my best friends) who owns a medical practice and belongs to a country club. Occasionally, we have dinner meetings there. Again, the same thing happens. The man always gets the check – even if he’s not the member.

Can anyone shed some light or is it still just a man’s world?

Sheri says:
Yes, it is still a man’s world. It frustrates me too.

I am trying to help raise a man. I want him to be strong and powerful. I want him to earn the respect of his peers and eventually clients. I strive for the balance between treating a woman like a lady, using gracious manners and recognizing that some women will be his bosses or clients.

Some men take great pleasure in these situations. It’s society’s nod to them that they still control the world. Some women take great pleasure in bursting that bubble. The rest of us take it one situation at a time. We also tend to frequent the establishments where someone knows us by name and we can make payment arrangements beforehand.

Do you think they made all of those leatherette/pleather bill holders out of the sofas and chairs that we all owned in the 70s and 80s? While you’re haggling about the bill, this is a good point of discussion.


Anonymous said...

How true!! The world is filled with working women in all kinds of jobs, but it still seems that it is assumed that middle-aged women (sorry, if you're not)are financially tied to the men that happen to be with. Does this also happen to younger women or is this just a generational thing?

Any thoughts?

Sandy said...

It is a man's world. Whey are we fighting for the check? Let 'em pay!

Abby of the Candid Girls said...

In response to the comment left by "Anonymous", yes I am middle-aged. I have a young female intern and will have her comment on your generational question. Interesting thought.

-- Abby of the Candid Girls

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you are beautiful women with a lot to offer. How do I meet you.

Maura said...

As Abby's intern, I have come to appreciate these situations even more. I learned at an early age to support myself, to avoid these attitudes, and yet, if I am treating my boyfriend, brother, or guy friend to a meal, the bills make their way to the men. I'm afraid the assumptions carry on throughout all ages. I used to work in the food business, and always laid the receipt in the center.