Tuesday, September 4, 2007


Sheri says:
Who wouldn’t agree that flirting is fun? It’s a dance that makes you feel attractive and strokes the ego. Like everything thrilling, there’s an element of danger. In my world, there are three levels of flirting:

Harmless: These are the people you’ve known forever. They trust you; you trust them. They pat you or kiss you. You know their spouses and their children. They tell you that you look pretty and then they go back to good behavior.
Medium: The hand strays a bit. The kiss is too long. The compliments get a little lewd. Some sort of sexual innuendo comes into play.
Over the Top: I will kiss you hello but please don’t try to put your tongue in my mouth. I will hug you but please don’t grope me. I will dance with you but please don’t throw me around like I’m your play doll of the moment.

I love to flirt. I love men. Most of all, I love my husband. That doesn’t stop me from finding other men interesting or him from finding other women attractive. As long as everyone behaves, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

Abby says:
Hmm. I have a really different view. I don’t consider the “harmless” displays of affection with a good friend actually flirting – especially when you’re all out together with your respective spouses/significant others. To me they are what they are. I do, however, think the ongoing “medium” grade (and above) flirting Sheri refers to can be fodder for the danger zone, and I’ve seen these innocent encounters turn into full-blown affairs – many times – especially when one is “lonely” or “not happy in their current relationship”. In my opinion, body language is the key and tells all.

My thought? Keep the flirtations in private if you’re going to truly flirt or be prepared to join the rumor mill wall of fame. You never know who’s watching or listening. Things can be misconstrued, taken out of context and passed on as gossip. I see and hear it each and every day. I’ll give you an example. I was in a coffee shop one afternoon and a really nice looking guy about my age walked in. He was by himself until two very cute, bouncy high school girls walked in. One girl immediately appeared to be “all over him”. I thought to myself, “What a scumbag. He’s going for a teenager!” I had to hang my head in shame. When the girls left, one of them said “Thank you for the coffee, dad!”. I hear gossip at least once a week about this person or that person and how they are having an affair – and I know it’s just not true. That’s how juicy rumors begin.

Me? Like everything else in my life, I would be a private flirter. I walked into the shopping mall 2 weeks ago and a nice (cute) high school boy held the door for me. Then, he told me to have a good day. Then, he said “You’re a** looks really good in those white pants”. Instead of being flattered at this over the top flirtation, I ran for the nearest dress rack, totally embarrassed!

Sheri says:
Inappropriate? Yes. Over-the-top? No.

Body language is certainly a key factor. Having an unwelcome tongue stuck down your throat is another. Obviously, people define flirting in different ways.

Regardless, the rumor mill will keep on churning.


Cormac Mac Art said...

Interesting. Had'nt came across this blog before. Will be back.

Anonymous said...

I kind of lean toward Abby's way of thinking. Flirting is fun, but it can be dangerous with the wrong person. Sheri has a group of trusted friends, so it's probably easy for her to have harmless flirting, but you never know when you have invited trouble with the wrong person. Best to play it safe..

Anonymous said...

I totally disaagree with Sheri, and only partially agree with Abby's view on this. I have been at social gatherings where spouses/significant others have been present and one of them goes totally over the top. When the other spouse/significant other witnesses the display of groping and inappropriate behavior from a so called friend, it gets pretty ugly. I have personally experienced two situations like this involving my spouse/significant other. The reasons given by the "groper" the day after they soberd up was due to the fact their "spouse/significant other doesn't pay attention to them"; "they hadn't had sex in 3+ years", and/or "he/she had too much to drink so they had no clue what they were doing". None of these are good enough excuses in my book. My spouse/significant other was too drunk to remember what the groper had tried to do either time and still didn't remember what took place after I gave him/her the ugly details. Needless to say, these friendships aren't as close as they use to be.

Yes, I enjoy being complimented by the opposite sex but my response is always just a thank you with perhaps a little smile. When I am committed in a relationship, I am 100% there. No flirting, no straying. I can honestly say that I've never met anyone whom I'd rather be with than my spouse/significant other, therefore; I don't flirt to the extent of the opposite sex feeling like I am interested in them. A little smile is truly the extent of it.

Abby said...

In response to the anonymous comment above, that "groper" needs to learn some manners. She sounds extremely insecure and lacking for attention.

Groping is completely inappropriate. Abby