Candid Girl Chat

2011 Better Late Than Never

2012-01-23T16:32:00.014-05:00

I cannot believe I have been so remiss in posting to my blog. I hope to not do this again, however, I don't do New Year's Resolutions because I find that I break them.

2011 was just a very crazy year. It was a year filled with great beginnings as well as one filled with sad memories.

My happiest moment was walking into NYC's Lincoln Center in a cap and gown for my Master's graduation from PACE University -- with my closest friends sitting in the wings. Finally, after 3 1/2 years, I actually did it!

My saddest moment came to light when I realized that my dad was not alive to share this with me, and my mom was not well enough to make the trip. But, that is ok.

Life has thrown me some incredible curve balls in the last two years. It seems that every time I would catch one, another was thrown. And so it continues. I guess you just keep on "catching" as they come.

I hope that with the knowledge I have gained from my parent's illnesses that I can somehow pay it forward. I am surrounded by a small niche of incredible friends and some awesome physicians who have helped me navigate the very uncertain waters of parental caregiving.

Babies, Bridal Showers and Cakes

2011-02-25T08:15:00.005-05:00

Babies have a knack for breathing fresh, new life into families.

The evening my dad died, it was strange. For some odd reason, all of our family members landed at his bedside -- at the same time. My mom, sis, brother, niece and nephew and myself. It could not have worked out better if we planned it.

We knew the end was very near, though I thought he had probably one more day. Denial works in mysterious ways.

In the midst of our sadness and silence, my niece blurts out that she has an announcement. We all looked at her and wondered what it could possibly be. "I'm going to have a baby. I'm 12 weeks pregnant," she said. Stunned, our jaws all dropped to the ground. I don't even think my mom heard what she said. My dad was no longer coherent, but I know he heard her. It was shortly after that time that he died. I think he knew that something happy was going to make things better for us all and it was ok for him to pass on.

Ironically, while mourning a loss of life, we had new life to look forward to -- and the baby is due somewhere around our dad's and nephew's birthdays. Wouldn't that be something. The anticipation of a May baby has helped to keep our mom going. A new great-grand baby. She keeps the ultrasound pics by her bedside and looks at them often.

We are planning a baby shower for my nice, and I'm in charge of getting a baby cake. Scary that they would give me that task. It should be interesting. I'm not very good with these things. With no kids of my own, I live vicariously through my friends and family members who do. While I'd love to try to bake something on my own, disaster could result. The last cake I made didn't rise more than a couple of inches. I am fairly certain a trip to the bakery will soon be on my to do list.

I am so looking forward to the breath of new life for our family.

Great Online Marketing Read

2011-02-14T15:25:00.005-05:00

I'm an avid reader of both fiction and non-fiction books. When I read a good one, I like to let people know.

I recently read "The McGraw-Hill 36-Hour Course: Online Marketing" by Lorrie Thomas. I always love to check out info about technology and how I can help my clients utilize it effectively. Lorrie did a great job of communicating this on a level that works for the beginner as well as the seasoned marketing professional.

Her "how-to's" were especially valuable as were the pitfalls to avoid and best practices. Though I've been in the industry for 28 years, I still love to glean new tidbits that can provide a competitive edge. This book was a quick, easy read written in language anyone can understand and immediately implement!

Strange Behavior and the Weather

2011-02-01T12:59:00.025-05:00

For as long as I can remember, we have never had a winter here in Indianapolis like this season. When I was in high school, there was the exciting blizzard of '78. Lots and lots of snow and snow days off from school. Back then, it was fun.

As a working adult, it's starting to annoy me when I cannot safely make it out of my driveway and to my office just a block away.

Today takes the cake so far. We had about a half inch of ice over night with another inch on the way this afternoon. Needless to say, I am trapped at home. Luckily for computers and networks, I can work from my kitchen, though, none of my clients are able to work today either. You know it's bad when doctor's offices and surgery centers close down.

I must say, this round of weather has brought out some strange behavior in both me and my right hand -- my dog Maggie. She whined all evening yesterday and demanded to go into her crate with the door shut. She usually only behaves like this during thunderstorms. When I awoke early to take her out this morning, she was terribly confused about where to go to the bathroom. There were no goof sniff spots! What is a girl to do? She just looked at me like I had the answer.

I have accomplished a great deal work wise due to the quiet, but I find myself taking breaks to putz around and do odd things like dust my shelves, vacuum, shovel ice, laundry and meal preparation. It must be a nesting thing where I am forced to look for comfort activities.

The weather folks on TV have the whole city atwitter. The electric companies are giving warnings about what to do if your electricity goes out for a long period of time. Am I prepped if the lights go out?

* Food: check (but it's mostly in my freezer, so I may be out of luck without the assistance of the microwave)
* Snow shovel: check (but the ice is too hard to make it worth the while)
* Ax: check (I did ax some driveway ice but it did not make a dent and made my arms hurt; Unbeknownst to me that I even owned an ax.)
* Ice Melt: check (but last I looked it was not melting anything other than the paint on my deck)
* Flashlight: check (but I think I forgot to get batteries)
* Wine: check (It was the most coveted and talked-about item in the drugstore checkout line last evening)
* Treadmill: check (I can run on it even if the belt cannot move without electricity)
* Cheese and crackers: check (though the crackers appear a bit stale from being in my cupboard for awhile)
* Binoculars: check (in case I need to see if tress passers are trying to climb my icy hill; Maggie will growl and hope they have treats or a bone.)

I guess we'll have to wait and see...

Spring Cleaning in January

2011-01-23T19:08:00.006-05:00

For many reasons, I am feeling claustrophobic. Shut in. Smothered. Trapped.

It must be from a dreary lack of light and sunshine and the multitudes of snow falls we keep accumulating in the Midwest. And, since my dad died a few months ago, I have felt very off kilter.

It's time for a most-needed early spring cleaning.

This week, I'll be changing the design of my blog. I'll be making some changes in my professional life, in my personal life and in life in general. I am ready for a fresh start.

I will write about it all.

Stay tuned...

The Power of Facebook

2010-11-12T17:53:00.007-05:00

I must say I have not been a huge fan of Facebook. I am sort of a Facebook "voyeur" -- because I almost never post anything to my wall, but I love what others are writing on theirs. It amazes what people will publish on the Internet about their personal (and other) lives. Sometimes it's completely TMI or downright inappropriate for sharing. Oh well.

When my dad died a few weeks ago, I broke my rules and posted his obituary to my wall. Many of his old friends and colleagues live out of state, so I hoped that by word-of-mouth, they would get the word from others or see it on Facebook for themselves. I had no other way of reaching them.

I had no idea how powerful this online tool would actually be.

I have received almost 100 cards via U.S. Mail with condolences about my father -- from my personal friends and others who saw the posting on Facebook. Some people, I barely know. I even had old grade school friends who came to his calling at the mortuary because they saw the obit I posted. Wow. That is powerful. I have officially changed my mind.

Facebook has also brought some unexpected happiness to my life at a time when it's desperately needed. We are having our 30th class reunion next weekend -- which I am so excited about. Some of my old cronies have started corresponding on Facebook, and a few of us got together for lunch today on a whim. It was such complete fun and would never have happened if we had not corresponded electronically. I had not seen these gals for at least 10 or more years.

Looking forward to the reunion. And you know I'll shoot pics and blog about it next Sunday when the festivities are over.

Thank you Facebook!

Closing the Chapter of EM2

2010-10-17T16:25:00.008-04:00

My dad's name was E. Michael Marmion. Since I was a young girl, we always referred to him affectionately as EM2 (E. M. "Squared" -- you know -- like a mathematical equation). He even signed his office memos with that superscript tag for as long as I can remember.

Yesterday closed the final chapter of EM2, as we laid him to rest. It was absolutely the saddest day of my entire life. Though he had been ill for two years and death was imminent in the last couple of months, that did not make this any easier. I have never felt such pain and deep sorrow.

Now that all the planning of the calling, the funeral and the burial are over and everyone has gone home, it feels as though the wind has been knocked out of me. Sometimes I can barely breathe.

He was a great and respected man whom everyone loved. His colleagues. Those who worked for him. His friends. The folks at the retirement home. And, most of all his family. He is greatly missed, and I was very proud to be his daughter.

Hospital Summer Stay-Cation

2010-09-20T05:57:00.008-04:00

Hi bloggers. Sorry to be absent for the entire summer. I do have a good excuse, though. Whoever crafted the phrase "All things happen for a reason" was right on target.

I was supposed to spend the first half of summer running my business as usual, taking a short (and much needed) vacation in L.A., then attending a first summer session class in NYC to try to finish my masters degree. Due to lack of students for the class, it was cancelled. Uh oh, I thought to myself. Is this some type of omen? Is there something else in store for me?

Yes, indeed. Just when I thought the rough year of caregiving for my dad could not get worse, it did. I was about to experience the ultimate summer "stay-cation".

As I was traveling one day to Bloomington, IN for work, my brother called. He was at my mom's apartment and said something was not right with her. To make a long story short, I turned my car around and headed back to town to meet them at the emergency room. Lucky for her my brother was there. This day turned into a month's hospital stay for various reasons, followed by several weeks in a skilled care facility. That turned into moving my mom out of her apartment and into assisted living down the hall from my dad (who has dementia beyond belief). Who would have thought? One day she is somewhat "independent", and the next day her life changed for good.

It gets even better. A couple weeks following after the dust settled, I get a call that my dad is being taken to the emergency room for an intestinal blockage, and that I need to go. A month later, there he still sits in the hospital, unable to eat food and bed-ridden with pneumonia.

I am careful what I hope for. Do I wish for someone who has lots of physical illness and late-stage dementia to get better? What does better really mean? Our healthcare system is so good at treating and keeping people alive, but what about their quality of life?

Someone recently told me that God gives us only what we can handle. Hello, God. Are you there? I am at my "handle" limit now. Please give me no more for awhile...

I think I am destined to work in health care. I feel as though I have become a "lay expert" -- at least in bugging the doctors. I only hope I can take what I've learned and help someone else along the way.

3 Finales Out With a Bang

2010-05-24T16:11:00.010-04:00

When I get home from work, I am a total TV-aholic. Last week I was in heaven with all the season finales. But, to my dismay, some were just a bit too violent with all the stress going on in my life and the stresses of the current world.

I settled in for the two-hour Grays' Anatomy finale and watched in horror as minor then main characters were shot one-by-one by a crazy patient's husband. Just when you thought there would be no more shooting, someone else got hit. My phone was going crazy with all the texts from fellow Facebookers who were watching and aghast!

I then decided I'd try something a little more subdued the next night by watching the finale of One Tree Hill (yes, I know, get a life). Again, to my dismay, two main characters were shot in the very last scene, this time, by a young and crazy tennis player. Yikes!

That was it. No more stressful shows! I tread-milled over the weekend, and having either music in my ears or a good show on the tube is a must for me to sloth my way through 30 minutes of sweating. So, I thought I'd put in the taped Gossip Girl finale (yes, another reminder of my mindless attention span when not at the office). I mean, how violent could that be? Once again, I was stunned at the ending when a very central character was shot in the last scene. So stunned that I almost fell off my treadmill while it continued to move at a brisk pace.

Three finales out with violent bangs. Is that what the TV ratings war has come to?

Parking Rage

2010-05-11T15:51:00.008-04:00

Ok, I'm quite familiar with road rage. So, what if you're in or near your car, and someone gets "ragey" with you from their car, but they're actually parked inside their vehicle and not driving? Parking rage?

With the onset of Spring, I've had more energy in the morning and have been getting up and going to the gym at a very ungodly early hour. I love it. It's still mostly dark out. The birds are happily chirping. The air is crisp, and it smells clean. Sometimes you can see your breath. It's quiet and peaceful.

Fast forward 90 minutes. Recently one day I had finished my workout and felt unusually energized and happy. The sun is up, and it's going to be a beautiful day. Until I pull into the gas station that is. I find one empty slot for my car and barely fit it in -- because it's so crowded.

I look in my rear view mirror as I start to get out and notice the guy behind me in a double-long (not to be confused with double-wide) lawn service truck. He is flipping me the bird, jamming on his horn and making all kinds of gestures at me. This should be fun I thought to myself.

Hey, my day is good, so I'm not going to let this crazy guy get to me. I take a deep breath and slowly saunter out of my car and up to his window. Yes, I know. Not a good idea in today's world when people are openly toting guns and not afraid to shoot them.

He immediately starts yelling at me, shaking his fist and tells me he needs both gas pumps so he can fill both of his trucks. I cut him off, he claims. He demanded me to immediately move my car.

Calmly, in a soft voice, I told him that it's very impolite to scream at a woman. "It's bad manners," I say. That honked him off and made him yell even louder curse words. Wow, I could not believe this. The place was packed, and everyone was looking at him. I am surprised the Speedway attendant did not come out.

I asked him how his life could be so bad that he had to angrily scream at a woman at 7:00 am. Then, I told him if he'd asked nicely, I would have gladly moved my car. Instead, I went to the pump, swiped my credit card, and filled my tank -- while he waited.

Bad manners get you nowhere. I hope his day got better.

Identity Theft

2010-04-14T16:14:00.006-04:00

Wow, I cannot believe it's been a month since I last posted. That's what tax time will do to you! I am glad to be done with the prep of the dreaded April 15th deadline.

I typically don't tout products on my blog, but I came across two that I wanted to share -- because I am so impressed. And, they have both made my life easier -- which is key when you run a business and are helping to "parent" two parents.

Have you ever had your identity stolen? Well, I have, and it was shortly before the Internet even began to take off! I was not careless or putting my social security number out there where it did not belong, yet some gentleman (that's putting it nicely!) stole my number from a local bank and began opening accounts with it and writing bad checks. Luckily by the grace of God, a banker came upon it by accident one day, and I was able to work with the authorities to get it rectified. And, they caught him.

But, needless to say, I am super cautious (to an extreme) now about everything I do with my personal information.

While I am an aggressive marketer, I still hate getting junk mail. And, I am getting the double whammy of fun receiving the junk mail of my parents as well.

The credit card solicitations especially make my skin crawl. The paper waste from the big, thick catalogs I never even wanted makes me cringe -- especially when they are so large they bust my mailbox. The donation solicitations from the cancer societies and Alzheimer groups make me think that our local hospitals have been sharing my family's protected information with them (it's just too coincidental). Whoever works in my office has had the lovely duty of doing all the shredding of these many annoying items. We have burned through more than two shredding machines.

I came across something called an "ID Guard Stamp". It's a self-stamper that stamps a huge, black, blocky bar code. I can quickly stamp my address on catalogs and postcards, etc. that I don't want, and no one can read my personal information. They just go straight to the trash. It's available on Amazon dot com via a company called Plus Corporation for less than $25. It's been a life-saver and has cut my shredding time by 75%.

I also signed up with Stop and Shred at my business(they are a national franchise). I use this for larger, more comprehensive solicitation packages I get that I don't even care to open as well as on the pre-approved blank checks from credit card companies. They delivered a tall, plastic, heavy-duty trash can with a lock to my office. Once I fill it they come get it for $50. No other charges. No hassles. It will literally take me almost a year to fill it up. And, they are certified.

These two things are great enough to write about!

Today's Forecast: "Hazy"

2010-03-02T10:18:00.021-05:00

Abby says:
My friend and colleague, Sheri Riley, is joining me again as a guest blogger. We wish to discuss hazing. A practice I despise, but one I feel needs addressing due to a recent local incident.

Sheri says:
One of the largest and most prominent high schools in our town continues to be in the news recently for a hazing incident that occurred with the basketball team. Most of the details have been extremely hush-hush, but we know it involved some senior players who were disciplined for "bullying". A fourth has been disciplined for another incident taking place in the locker room.

I know hazing and initiation practices have been going on since the beginning of time. There were probably clubs on Noah's Ark and animals had to be scolded. But somewhere in all of the madness, there has to be a voice of reason. We've seen the results when the fun goes awry: alcohol poisoning, hazing, self-hatred, suicide, emergency room visits, etc.

We are only just learning about how young people's brains don't fully develop until they are in their mid 20s. I'm 46 and still make stupid decisions. I do believe there is some serious fault to be found when young people -- boy scouts, girl clubs, fraternities, whatever -- are finding time to put younger and weaker members of the club through barbaric rituals without any adults having a clue.

The whole concept makes me sad and it makes me feel old.

Abby says:

Because details have not been published to protect names, rumors are a plenty, and there is mass speculation about what the hazing involved and who did what to whom. If true, the whisperings are despicable. Yes, I feel very strongly about this!

I was a competitive AAU swimmer all through grade school and high school and then swam for Indiana University. Never once in my 13-year swimming career was I bullied, beaten up, forced to participate in something that compromised me or my values, or otherwise hazed. And I don't think anyone else on the teams I swam for was either. Our team members were all very different people from various walks of life with different income levels, yet we all found a way to get along and do the team thing. While there were the proverbial "haves" and the "have nots", no one cared. We were focused on training, competing and winning -- not making our team members feel inferior. And, we did not have the time to haze.

The worst thing I remember happening is that a few kids got locked in the Greyhound bus bathroom (for maybe 30 seconds) as we traveled many hours to the Indianapolis/Scarborough Peace Games in Canada. It was not hazing, it was just someones idea of being funny. It happened, then it ended. No harm done. No one got hurt.

Shame on athletes today (especially young athletes) who think they are above the fray and feel the need to bully others who may not be as talented or strong as they are. Being a better athlete does not make you a better person than someone else. I often find that "bullies" lack self-worth and self-confidence, and they use their bully tactics to make up for their short-comings. I thought athletes were supposed to be role models. At the end of the day, no matter who we are or what we do, we all put our pants on the same way.

Here's my message to Carmel High School's (and any other school's) athlete bullies: Grow the heck up, and understand that being an athlete is not the most important thing in life. It does not entitle you. To anything.

And, one day, you won't be an athlete. You'll just be a plain old person like the rest of us.

Shame on the coaches if they say they (wink, wink) did not know these things were going on.

Grrrrr Tiger

2010-02-19T13:09:00.022-05:00

Abby says:

Today, Sheri Riley is joining me as a blogger guest -- she used to be the "other half" of Candid Girl Chat. We both worked together for a long time in marketing and media relations, so we have definite opinions of the Tiger Woods press conference. "Grrrr" is all I have to say. Yes, that is supposed to be a growl of disapproval.

I haven't walked in his shoes and had access to all the things money and fame will buy and tempt you with, so I won't judge his life and his activities. Everyone else has done a fine enough job of it. But, in my opinion, his press conference didn't seem sincere. I guess I was hoping for something less formally scripted and more from the heart. After all, he was supposedly talking to a room full of family and friends. It seemed that he was reading the whole time, so I give him a 2 out of 10. In my opinion, it was lame with a capital "L". The material was on track but didn't sound much like he meant it. So, maybe he has a good speech writer but bad advisers. Maybe he was nervous. Maybe he's a narcissist. Maybe this, maybe that.

I guess my big question is whether he "gets it" about what he's done -- and how he hurt so much more than just his golfing future. Is he forever tainted by money and fame, or can he make a sincere effort to turn his life around and think about someone other than himself?

I believe Sheri and Tiger might share some common geography...?? Her deceased in-laws lived in Hattiesburg, Mississippi -- where Tiger is supposedly undergoing therapy. I think two years ago Sheri traveled there twice in 6 months for in-law funerals. Prior to that, I had not heard of the town.

Let's bring up the sex addiction therapy issue. I am sure this is a legitimate illness/condition and I honestly mean no criticism. But, I've been around a lot of "cheaters", and the only people I've ever heard of with "sex addict" problems are pro athletes and Hollywooders. Hmm. It seems as though any time someone famous strays from a spouse, they end up going in for sex addiction therapy. I wonder what Drew have to say? Food for thought.

Sheri says:

I am sure (now more than ever) that Tiger is a control freak. Maybe during his stints in rehab for sexual addiction they can also address this feature of narcissistic behavior. The media stunt -- and let's be honest, it was not a press conference -- was a perfect example.

A well-polished and rehearsed statement, complete with woeful looks as carefully crafted as the language. A sad confession of bad behavior coupled with an almost defiant demand that the media leave his wife and children alone. Only a couple of wire service reporters were allowed in the room. Only two cameras were allowed in. And, Tiger took no questions. This was another example of using his power and position for HIS benefit, no one else's.

Elin wasn't there which didn't surprise me. His repeated statement that whatever truths that come out need to be between him and his wife rubbed me the wrong way. For someone who chose to gallivant with oodles of women, reminding us all of the sanctity of marriage and their right to privacy seemed ridiculous and out of place in an apology speech.

All in all, I think it was too little, too late. He's a cad. But he's a helluva golfer and ultimately, that will make or break his redemption story.

And sadly, it's also a fact of the breakdown of media. This was not breaking news. It was not news at all. It did not need to be covered live by all the networks and it certainly did not need to be the lead story on the local news. There were (and are) a lot of sad things about Tiger's apology and the "press conference." The fact that it commands such media attention may be the saddest part.

Olympic Memories

2010-02-15T10:53:00.032-05:00

Since I was a little girl, I have loved watching the Olympics on TV. Being a former athlete, the excitement still gives me goose bumps, and I have a deep appreciation of what it took for them to get to the Games. My favorite parts have always been the opening ceremonies when the athletes march in and the medal ceremonies when they played the National Anthem.

By luck of the draw (and much personal persistence), I was able to get a spot working at the 1984 Olympics in Los Angeles as a media operations representative at swimming and diving (my former sport). I must say, this is by far the best memory I have as a young adult working any type of job. Not only was it great fun hanging out for several weeks with the top athletes, coaches and media from around the globe, I made some incredible business contacts that helped me to get where I am today -- and I continue to stay in touch with them. There is something to be said for "being in the right place at the right time".
I have two very fond memories of those Olympics. We all bunked on the campus of USC -- I think I stayed at the Sigma Phi Epsilon house (minus the cute frat boys). When I was carrying my luggage to my room upon arrival, I noticed an older woman by herself who needed help with her stuff. So, I stopped to carry her suitcases. Little did I know this was my soon-to-be Olympic boss' mother. She later knocked on my door to thank me and asked if I'd be her guest at the Opening Ceremonies that night. Wow, of course I would! We didn't have just any old ordinary seats either -- which would have been great as well. Rather, we were right above the opening where the world's athletes marched out into Memorial Coliseum. We were almost close enough to touch them. It was so overwhelming I could hardly breathe. The roar of the crowd. The music. The camaraderie. The dancing. The singing. And finally, the lighting of the torch by Rafer Johnson.

The only thing that topped this is that one of the staff members I worked closely with procured me an official Olympic ring -- reserved mainly for the athletes and coaches. It's sort of like the Super Bowl ring for amateur athletes (at least back in that day Olympic athletes were still considered "amateur" status). While I am certainly not deserving of wearing this, it was a great gift and one I keep tucked away for special occasions of reminiscing. I don't think I could ever top this experience. (photo from decorcasa.biz)

Germy

2010-02-11T10:04:00.009-05:00

Have you ever stopped to think about all the ways we get germs?

No wonder there are so many viruses constantly circulating. I normally don't stop to think about this, but I recently ended up getting pretty sick after being on an airplane with lots of coughers, sneezers and sick kids wiping their noses on who only knows what (not to mention the gentleman across the aisle from me who took his shoes off. Isn't it bad etiquette to have smelly feet on a plane?).

No amount of Airborne I took could have killed all the nasty germs that were floating around the recirculated air in that plane. Eleven days later, I still have a raging sinus infection, and I'm officially a germy cougher. The good news is the doctor said I'm not contagious.

I thought about my typical day at the office and where I can get germs. It sort of stunned me to compile this list.
* Opening the front door to our office building (we have lots of sick kids rolling through the doctor's offices)
* Accepting the cup of coffee from the barista at Starbucks
* Touching the coffee creamer carafe at Starbucks
* Touching the menu at the coffee shop during lunch
* Touching the salt, pepper and ketchup bottles at the coffee shop during lunch
* Touching the door knobs to the various doors I walk through at my appointments
* Touching the handle of the shopping cart at the drug or grocery store
* Exchanging money with the cashier at the drug store or grocery
* Touching the workout equipment at the gym
* Touching the hot and cold water handles in a public restroom
* Touching the paper towel handle in a public restroom

The list goes on. I am pretty avid about taking vitamins and using the hand sanitizer (I keep it in my car), but short of wearing a mask and carrying disinfecting wipes around in public, it's nearly impossible to avoid icky germs. My sister swears by grapefruit seed oil and takes it religiously. I may try it.

The virus bit me this time.

Mountain Climber

2010-02-01T10:25:00.009-05:00

We returned from Zona yesterday and are back to the daily grind at the office. (Sigh.)

Our last day of the trip entailed a climb up the foothills of Black Mountain. For some of us, the adventure was shorter than for others. I made it maybe about 2 miles. I was not wearing the most sensible shoes for a climb, and the drop-off down the mountain looked a bit too steep for my somewhat fear of heights. I also did not want to impale myself on a giant cactus. Our friend Cynthia (new nickname "Mountain Girl") hiked a daring 5 miles. Here she is in all her glory shortly before I turned around and headed back to the ranch. You go girl! It was another great year at Camp Big Sal.

Cute Cowboys, Runaway Dogs and Crazy Shoppers

2010-01-31T00:04:00.008-05:00

Like I said. There's always excitement that lies ahead when we go to Cave Creek, AZ to Camp Big Sal.

Last night I went to my first rodeo. I don't know if you can tell from the photo or not, but this big bull was really bucking "Bubba" right out of the gate. It was great fun, and we saw lots of cute cowboys!

Tonight, we were getting ready settle in for a quiet night with dinner outside by the camp fire. As we opened the patio door, both dogs shot out like a bat out of you know what. Before we knew it, they were gone -- as fast as Greyhounds. The worst part is that it was dark. Normally it would be ok, but in Zona after dark, there are lots of wild animals like javelinas, coyotes, road runners, bobcats, mountain lions and more. Big Sal's two black labs could be in serious trouble, especially the new puppy.

We all split up with flash lights and walked and walked and walked, calling their names, but to no avail. After about 30 minutes, here they came racing home from two different directions, panting, tongues hanging down to their knees and tails a waggin'. I'm not sure what we would have done had we not found them. I don't even want to think about it. They are safe and sound. (So are we for that matter! We could have been a mountain lion small snack.)

The other yearly excitement at Camp Big Sal is the discount shoppers we encounter. Every year, we travel down to "Last Chance" -- the only Nordstrom outlet in the country. If you're a serious bargain hunter, this deep, deep discount store is for you. But, you have to be willing to "get dirty" and handle the most experienced and aggressive shoppers who may steal merchandise from your shopping cart -- to get that $2.97 pair of cool earrings, the $29.99 pair of soft and toasty Ugg slippers or the $39.99 Juicy Couture handbag. Yes, imagine a store full of sly and cagey women. But it's well worth the trip if you're after great inexpensive loot.

"Zona" Diary January 28th

2010-01-28T19:34:00.021-05:00

When things get really stressful, there's nothing better than the mountains in the Southwest.

This week, I'm on my annual trip with the girls at "Camp Big Sal" in Cave Creek, a sleepy little hideaway about 40 miles north of Phoenix. Well, it's not really a "camp". Rather, it's an adobe getaway belonging to our friends Mark and Sally, nestled into the hills of Black Mountain. Big Sal is Sally's nickname, and we named it "camp" so that people think we're actually roughing it or participating in some sort of fitness camping activity. But, we're not. Luckily, we have beds with sheets, running water, hair dryers and home-cooked food.

Each year, there's always some type of excitement that occurs along the way. Two years ago, there was a large animal that casually sauntered onto our patio and laid down to bask in the sun as we finished breakfast. Turned out, it was some sort of bobcat or maybe even mountain lion (that's my vote) that could have made a meal out of all of us and Sally's two black labs. Subtle panic set in, and my heart was in my throat, but trust me, you don't move quickly around those animals. We survived.

This year (so far that is), the excitement for me occurred on the airplane. While waiting on the runway for 30 minutes of de-icing prior to take-off, I got to chat with my seat mate, who was a young woman from Phoenix. I came to learn that she just had a heart attack in Indianapolis (where we were departing) while visiting her family -- and actually "coded" in the emergency room (yes, her heart stopped). Pretty scary stuff, especially when flying alone -- and sitting next to me. The potential of accumulating ice on our wings suddenly became a secondary thought in my mind. Now, I was now going over the steps of CPR, just in case. (next time I won't talk to my seat mate)

Midway through the flight, she put her head down on her tray table and nudged me. "I'm not feeling so well. I am very light-headed, she said." (great) So, she gets up and goes to the back of the plane in search of the "powder room". She then returns with a flight attendant and a big tank of oxygen with a mask. Yikes!

Naturally, half the plane was gawking at our row. But, it all worked out. No medical emergency, luckily.

For now, that's as exciting as my life gets. Thank goodness (considering the events of the past few months).

As I puttered along early this morning toiling on the elliptical machine at the gym, I looked out the window and admired the view (no bad view in Cave Creek!). The sun was up, and the mountains still had a faint veil of cloud cover, with fog rising slowly. Wow, this is true, breathtaking beauty I thought to myself. Now I understand why people who live in the Southwest don't ever want to come back. It's like being on another planet.

These mountains are a great haven and can make you forget about the worst stress in your life, if even just for a few minutes.

Paybacks

2010-01-25T15:44:00.003-05:00

Paybacks stink.

When I was really young and then into my college years, my friends and I loved to make prank phone calls. While we thought it was hilarious to disturb others or wake people up in the wee hours of the night (probably scaring them half to death), now it's time for the "what goes around comes around" theory to materialize.

We had some doozies. "Is your refrigerator running? Ha ha, then you better go catch it!" (personally I still think this is funny). Or, "Do you have Sir Arthur in a can? You better let him out!"

When I was a freshman in at IU, we won the NCAA basketball tournament. I was in hog heaven. Pandemonium and craziness on campus. Staying out all night whooping it up. We decided to play a joke on my parents. My friend called and disguised his voice and said that I was in terrible trouble and that they needed to come to the Bloomington police station right away. Uh, not funny! It almost turned on us when my mom actually believed him and started to cry!

At any rate, the tables have turned. Because of my dad's dementia, he does wacky things. Many times they are funny, and he and I can go back and laugh about them after the fact. But, he's taken to making prank phone calls. Lots of them. To me. Often times in the middle of the night when I am sound asleep -- obviously scaring me half to death.

Some of his best are that he is stuck at the fairgrounds and needs a ride home. (I am not sure he has ever been to the fairgrounds.) Or, he is standing at the corner of such and such and needs a ride. Or, so and so is plotting against him and he needs help. Or, can I go find mom.

Luckily I am able to laugh. Did this possibly come full circle due to my prankster antics as a youngster?

Turning the Tables

2010-01-18T13:42:00.003-05:00

It seems every time I go to the store, I get accosted in the parking lot by some person wanting to know if "I have a dollar I can spare". I even had an elderly man come up behind me unexpectedly one evening (dangerous!) asking if I could help him pay for his prescription. He even showed it to me. I nicely told him "no" and that it was a very bad idea to approach a woman from behind (if he did not want to get decked).

This past weekend, the tables were somewhat turned.

I had just come from the gym and looked pretty ratty with sweat. As I approached the drug store an older man in a car that was in very poor shape said, "Mam, can you help me?" I thought ok, here we go again. But, he told me he could not get out of his car because he had trouble walking and handed me a $20 bill -- asking if I could go in and buy him a couple bottles of pop.

Wow, this was a first. Someone handing me money in a parking lot! Of course I would. I went in and purchased his 7-Up, put it in his back seat then gave him his change and receipt. He handed me a ten dollar bill for my trouble. "No way!" I replied. "I am happy to help you out any time," I said.

He smiled, thanked me and drove off.

It made me sad. And, a bit scared. That could be me in a few years. I just hope he has family or friends somewhere that can help him around some of the time.

It's a Good Day When...

2010-01-11T14:03:00.015-05:00

This past year with my father being so ill, I have learned to view life quite differently. While it was truly the roughest year I can remember (and certainly my dad's), it was not even close to being as rough as what other people in this world may have experienced.

I'm not a New Year's resolutions kind of girl. I'm hard enough on myself without them, and making a bunch of promises that will never come to fruition is pointless. It sets me up for failure (which I clearly don't need!).

So, I'm looking at life in 2010 differently every day with this in mind: It's a Good Day When...
* You actually wake up.
* You wake up and all your fingers, toes and limbs work properly.
* You're not a family member of the poor pedestrian who was killed in the Indy snow storm by two cars (one of them a hit and run) last week.
* You were not taken out by the idiot who ran the stoplight over the weekend. (Yes, it was such a close call that I had to pull my car over and take a deep breath. This would have been a terrible wreck, and I might not be here today had it happened.)
* You're not living on the streets.
* Your have shelter with working heat.
* You are able to have 3 meals each day.
* You can learn to take bad things and make something good out of them (i.e., lessons learned from my dad's experience have already benefited others).
* You have a close knit group of good friends -- no matter how small the group or where they reside.
* You have faith in some higher being -- no matter what it is or your religious preference.
* You are able to help someone -- no matter how small the deed.

Yes, I am back to the very basics and very thankful I have these simple things. Don't get me wrong. I still love "stuff" and love to have fun, but at the end of the day it's all so very insignificant.

Best Holiday Memories

2009-12-09T09:59:00.006-05:00

When I was a child I adored the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas because there was so much buzz and excitement. I remember my mom being so stressed during that time and could never figure it out. But now, as an adult, I get it!

Rush, rush, rush! Buy this gift for that person. Go to this party or that function. Fight the crowds at the malls. What's wrong with this picture? I think it's easy to forget the true meaning of the holidays. Here are some of my favorite memories from childhood.

* Putting up the Christmas tree. It was definitely more fun for us kids than my parents (especially when the tree fell down by accident while decorating).
* Baking banana nut bread. I can still smell the sweet aroma. My mom did several loaves as gifts for the nuns at my grade school. Little did she know, these were the women who continually slapped me on the arm with their scary rulers!
* Making spritz cookies. My granny had this cool copper and aluminum spritzer with lots of shapes. What fun! I still have the spritzer today but it's a bit dusty.
* Delivering an anonymous gift each year to friends of my parents. My mom sang in the choir at midnight mass. We'd then sneak down the street in our car, turn the lights off and place the present on their doorstep, ring the bell and run! It was always some crazy joke gift. Then, they'd call us at 2 am when we arrived home, and we'd laugh so hard we'd cry.
* We had a giant reindeer head with a red light for his nose. We hung it on our front porch each Christmas and plugged it in. We lived on a busy street and he stopped traffic every year. I think he even made the local newspaper. We nicknamed him Rudolph of course!
* Sneaking downstairs at 5 am Christmas morning to look at all the presents and hear the still quiet or look out at the powdered sugar snow. It was magical!
* Breakfast of egg casserole and eggnog after we opened presents.
* Leaving cookies and milk for Santa on the fireplace hearth. I should have suspected when they were my dad's favorite brand of cookies!
* Christmas caroling with the Girl Scouts -- except for one year. My friend Kathleen, who had beautiful, long black hair, had her flowy locks burned by someones's candle . That was scary!

Ahhh. To be a child again with visions of sugar plums...

Hospitals and Holidays

2009-12-08T15:50:00.004-05:00

Well, I'm finally back. Sorry for my absence, but in our life, if it's holiday time, someone goes into the hospital. This year was no exception.

While I certainly did not mean for this blog to be all about health care and my family's ailments, there's been a lot of them in the last year or so -- hoping maybe what I learn along the way can be passed on to others.

Just when I thought we were getting my parents settled into their new living quarters, my dad awoke ill one morning and was hospitalized for two weeks. That was just the beginning. Then there was my mother -- who insisted on staying in his room the entire time -- leaving only to go to the cafeteria for food a few times (or when we forced her to get out into daylight).

It was rough, but there were bits and pieces of humor. My dad thought he was a general in the Russian Army. He told me he was Secretary of State. He said that the aliens were plotting and that we needed to be careful. He also thought he was in a prison (that one I can understand!).

At any rate, I drove the doctors and the nurses nuts because I am an Internet freak and know enough about health care to be dangerous (and annoying). I was constantly online looking up my dad's symptoms, going over old doctor's and hospital notes from previous years, etc. trying to diagnose his condition. One physician had to ask me to "stay off the Internet"! It's simple. My dad has pneumonia and a serious bacteria growing in his lungs. For someone who is almost 80, this is not good.

He is out of the hospital but recovering at a facility in what I'll refer to as "quarantined" for at least 6 weeks. Everyone has to wear bunny suits, latex gloves and masks when they go in to see him.

While I love all the discoveries modern medicine has to offer, sometimes it feels like a double-edge sword. Is this really how we want to live our lives in the later years?

Updates

2009-11-25T13:55:00.002-05:00

Abby wanted to let all of you know that she'll be away from her blog for a short period of time. Her Dad is in the hospital and of course, needs to be well taken care of. Hopefully, she'll be back to blogging soon because her Dad will be doing better. Please keep him in your thoughts.

Stood Up (by my mother)

2009-11-03T07:49:00.004-05:00

Yes, I've been stood up before in my younger days. I got over it. But, I've never been stood up by my own mother. How sad. I guess the move to the retirement home and being forced to live in separate quarters from my dad are taking their toll on her.

It was supposed to be a simple lunch at her new place on Saturday at high noon. I should have known when her line was busy all morning that something was amiss. But, as many older folks often do, she commonly knocks her phone off the hook and fails to charge her cell phone. I decided to venture up to her new apartment at the retirement home anyway in hopes of lunch and conversation.

When I arrived at her door I could see through the peep hole it was dark. Uh, not good! So, I knocked with a vengeance. Pretty soon, here comes my little mother to the door -- still in her PJs. She had fallen back to sleep. The best part was the make-shift "burglar alarm" she had rigged up. Upon walking through her front door, about 6 plastic hangers stacked one on top of the other came falling down on my head. It made me chuckle. She's never lived alone.

Goodness. I had no idea what we were in for with all of this moving and adjustment.

I gave her 30 minutes to get dressed and put on some make-up so we could get to lunch. It did have a happy ending. We had good food and good conversation -- which was much needed for us both.

Never Again

2009-10-21T12:17:00.006-04:00

Ok I am a firm believer in not saying "never" because you just never know. But, I think I can say I will never move again until I move to a retirement facility (hopefully many years down the road). God forbid I should ever get married again -- sorry, lucky man, but you'll have to live at my place (though you won't have much closet space).

I moved over the weekend and have never been so exhausted in all my life. I guess I am not snapping back as quickly in my older years even with all the working out I do. It's like a rubber band sitting around for too long that loses its elasticity and snaps. I literally awoke the next morning and wondered if I was in the hospital or having a bad dream. Every muscle and bone in my body hurt to the nth degree. I barely made it out of bed. Once I did, I made my coffee then crawled back in for some much-needed slumber.

I made at least 10+ trips to the dumpster. And, about 15 more trips to my old house after the movers left. How does one accumulate so much stuff over the years? It's ridiculous.

Then there's my parents' stuff that has to be sifted through (I bought their house). My sister described it perfectly -- we feel like "intruders" deciding what stays and what goes. The movers filled about a quarter of their truck with donated items for Goodwill. It must be that Depression Era "don't throw anything away" concept that older people hold onto.

At any rate, it's now time to sift through the rubble and figure out what's next.

Mindy (Abby's sis) says:
Oh yes! I second all of this! I am not a thing person. I have the distinction of having moved at least 30 times in the last 10 years, and all of my stuff fits in a 10'x10' storage unit, with room to spare. I should be grateful that I didn't have to move all of that on top of what I had at my parents.

I think all of this, for myself and for Abby, is compounded by sheer exhaustion from the last year's events, coupled with the fact that we had just moved my father to the health center, then to the Memory Care unit 6 weeks later, then our Mother to her independent living apartment five days after that! And completely unpacked her on the same day as the move!

Is it any wonder neither of us can look a box in the face and we gag at the thought of ever moving again? Although I get to do this all over again in February or March....The fun continues as we go through 58 years' worth of accumulation!

http://www.paradigmalchemy.com/

Becoming a Middle-Aged Mom

2009-10-15T10:30:00.006-04:00

I never got the mommy gene. I chose to focus on my career, so the child-rearing thing never happened for me.

Until now.

Suddenly, I have been thrust into becoming a single mom at the age of 47. My kids are my 78-year-old parents.

The role reversal has been a whirlwind and something I never expected. I always knew I'd take care of my parents when the time came, I just had no idea what it truly entailed. All the hours, the emotional drain and worst of all, the reversing of roles. Don't get me wrong. I am not complaining by any means. I am just floundering in a sea of Medicare paperwork, bills and not knowing how, exactly, to do this and do it right. My sister is in the same boat.

By day I run my company and do my job. And, I fax my power-of-attorney to endless numbers of people, talk to Medicare and AARP and sift through the mounds of papers and invoices required by it all. By night, I call my parents to be sure they are taking their meds, getting their flu shot, going to meals, checking their mail, etc. My sister and I talk numerous times daily and nightly to recount who said what to whom about what in order to keep everything straight.

I never thought I'd be helping people to the bathroom, doling out medicines, getting phone calls in the middle of the night when my dad misses my mom and hopes she is warm with enough blankets on her bed. Or, getting calls from the retirement facility to have a "parent-teacher conference" to discuss my parents' individual progress (or lack of it). Or, dealing with a mom who taught me to be the fiercely independent woman I am today - and now cannot pull herself together and adapt to living in a new environment separate from my dad.

It's a lot to take in. It's painful to watch. But, looking on the bright side, maybe what I am learning can help someone else who will walk in my shoes at some point.

Cleaning House

2009-10-12T12:55:00.007-04:00

As if I need anything else to add to my plate, I am moving. When we moved my parents out to the retirement home, I purchased their condo. My sister is going to move to my house, so we are playing musical chairs once again with packing, movers, stress and heated tempers.

I am a bit of a pack rat, but up until this past weekend I had no idea how much stuff I had stock piled over the years -- stuff I simply don't need. How does this happen? I guess from living in the same home for 12 + years and not being diligent about keeping up with the clutter.

I feel a bit like Imelda -- enough silly shoes to open a store (I still have old and out-of-style kicks from 30 years ago in college that I could never part with!). I have enough black suit skirts and jackets to outfit a small corporation of women. That's what happens when you work in banking for 15 years and dress like a Stepford.

And then there's the make-up. You know. It's always buy something you need, and it includes a "gift with purchase". What a deal...(Not!) Nine times out of ten these gifts contain one thing I might use and 4 things I won't -- ever. But, when staring at products whose labels boast "use this and look 10 years younger" I kept them for a rainy day. Now I have a closet full of hard and waxy lipsticks, cakey, cracked powder and dried-up "look-younger serum" that never got the chance to erase my facial lines and wrinkles.

Finally there's the cooking paraphernalia. I am never home, so I rarely get the chance to cook -- which I actually love to do (when it's my idea, of course). Over the years, my mom has given me pots, pans, baking dishes, cooking spoons and the like -- in hopes of making me a domestic queen. I guess it never rubbed off. There they sit. I am queen of only my microwave. I'll dust some of these off and pack them up for the move to their next dark cabinet. The rest will get a new home.

Needless to say, I made a trip to Goodwill today with lots of stuff. I hope my much-needed loss makes for someone else's gain.

Coming to Grips With Reality

2009-10-07T16:34:00.007-04:00

For those of you who know me, you know it's been a very rough year for my parents. They are both approaching 80 and have had some fairly challenging healthcare ups and downs over the years. But, we've managed to navigate the waters. 2009 was a different story -- the straw that broke my back (not the camel's).

It never occurred to me that someone in my family would get Alzheimer's disease. I always thought of stroke or heart attack. This was a big surprise to discover. And, up until last month, I suspect I was in complete denial. Surely, it was something else. Maybe all the anesthesia from the 5 surgeries in January. Maybe this. Maybe that. Maybe not.

Then we started to notice odd things. Desk drawers with banded up unpaid bills (not right for a former banker). Asking us to repeat things many times (silly me -- I thought it was the hearing problem, not the memory). Lack of focus. Depression in someone who always loved life to its fullest. Telling me about the 40 books just read in the past week (speed reader!).

Did we all know and just deny these symptoms -- hoping "it was nothing"? Perhaps. Probably.

When we knew it was time for a move to the Alzheimer's unit at a retirement facility, it was tough to watch the "cognitive" testing the nurse conducted to determine how advanced the dementia was.

This took place in July. When asked what season it was: "It's Fall" was the answer. When asked what the weather was: "It's snowing today" was the answer.

When asked what city our home was in the response was "Ottowa, IL" (childhood hometown).When asked to draw a clock, my breath was sucked out of my body. I saw a scribbled attempt at a circle with child-like numerals drawn backwards in reverse order (Alzheimer's patients often have spatial difficulties).

Surely this was not my parent, I thought. But, it was. It was at that moment I knew for sure Alzheimer's was the cold reality.

Now I can say it out loud. Even to my parent. Every time we are together. "You have Alzheimer's disease." Phew! That was hard. I've finally come to grips.

Cheers to Sheri

2009-09-23T16:47:00.013-04:00

Abby says:

Well the day has come for us to say farewell to Sheri Riley Roman. She is on to greener pastures and will no longer be part of the Candid Girl Chat blog. But, I suspect she'll always continue to be the candid girl I met and became quick friends with (well not that quick since she was sort of mean to me when I first met her!) more than 20 years ago.

She's busy with her own blog and a jaunt into a new life -- scary and exciting at the same time, I suspect. I have walked in her shoes. I wish her much luck. We have shared many good times, laughs, cries, oldies stories, books, travel excursions and more. I will miss her wit and interesting tidbits that have made our blog a success.

Cheers, Sheri! The grass WILL be greener for you.

Candid Girl Chat lives on, but, you'll have to deal with me. I have no idea what it will be, but I guarantee I'll have much to say and interesting guest bloggers.

Sheri says:

Hopefully I will still participate occasionally.

This is an interesting time for me. It's very sad as I finalize the end of my marriage, and the rippling changes from that alter every aspect of my life. It's nerve wracking to be looking for a job during this economy and deal with the emotional and frightening prospects of not knowing. It's exciting to know that whatever this new chapter brings, it will be an adventure. Mostly, it's exhausting to have so many areas of my life in the midst of change. I crave routine and a sense of stability. Right now I have neither.

I have loved being a part of this blog. I thank Abby for letting me create it with her and I thank everyone who bothered to read it. Blogs are a great release, and I will continue with my other one: Rileywritings.blogspot.com.

So I sign off for now, but I remain a Candid Girl.

Summer Surprises (good and bad)

2009-08-31T13:47:00.018-04:00

Abby says:

This has been an odd summer, to say the least. I experienced many "surprising" things. Some were big. Some were small. Some were good. Some were bad. Some were significant, and some were incredibly trivial. Here are my top 5.

1) After 8 months of illnesses, we put my dad into a nursing home last month and watched incredible the sadness he and my mom suffered being torn apart. After 58 years of marriage, I cannot imagine what that is like. It was gut wrenching for me, and I doubted my decision many times, so I cannot imagine what it is like for them. My mom has reluctantly agreed to move to the same facility in independent living, however, the "independent" portion is yet to be determined. I did not see this one coming. It hit me like a freight train.

2) I discovered a new book genre I now like because of a favorite author. Jennifer Sturman, one of my favorite mystery writers, recently published another book. But, it was not her regular who-done-it page turner, rather, a young adult mystery with fresh, lively characters and a great twist. Even if you're not a young adult, check out "And Then Everything Unraveled". Great surprise, Jennifer!

3) I took a much-needed reprieve and landed in Santa Monica at the beach for 5 sunny days. I "pooled" with a couple members of James Cameron's ("Titanic", "Aliens") production team. It made for surprising and interesting conversation about the movie biz and his upcoming film, "Avatar".

4) I discovered TV show "Gossip Girl". When I was studying for finals, I needed a stress outlet each night when I could not sleep. Nothing was on the tube! So I rented a few season one discs to try it out. That turned into all of season one, season two and a total addiction to the series. It must be my love of anything New York City (where the show takes place) whether it's meaningful or meaningless.

5) I unexpectedly connected with several people from my past. Some go as far back as grade school (that darn Facebook is addicting!). Some are from my competitive swimming past (amazing how you cross paths later in your adult life). Some are people from a past career that I was never close to -- and never dreamed I'd hear from again.

Annoying Stuff

2009-08-04T14:48:00.008-04:00

Sheri says:
Some days bring more things to annoy you than others. Abby has had a lot of those kinds of days lately so she suggested this post be about all of those things -- large and small -- that can send you over the edge. Or, at a minimum, keep you teetering there.

My list of things that are annoying me right now are:
Waiting. Whether it's a follow-up decision about a job or a back and forth document exchange regarding my divorce, I seem to spend a lot of time in anticipation of something. Patience is not a virtue I have.

Conversations Between People who are Supposed to be Helping Customers. I cannot believe how many conversations I am forced to endure as I attempt to make a purchase.

Aches & Pains. I'm not talking about anything really serious. I'm talking about the little aches in the joints that remind me I'm not 20.

Ignorance. For some reason, I am running into a lot of ignorant people. These are not people who are striving for knowledge -- these are people who are intolerably ignorant and proud of it.

Insomnia. Maybe I've never been the best sleeper but it's getting worse when I am tense or stressed. (Why couldn't I be one of those people who can sleep all the time when they get depressed or tense?)

In all seriousness, I know I live a pretty blessed life. But sometimes it feels good to throw a few darts at the annoying things.

Abby says:
We recently moved my dad to a retirement facility, so pretty much every little thing is annoying me due to tension and high stress.

Curb-side smokers. Get a room! (just kidding). My office is located in a building with physician practices. It's ironic and unhealthy to see their employees standing at the entrance puffing years off their life.

Indiana grammar. As we covered in the last post, this makes my skin crawl. "Irregardless" is not a word. "For all intensive purposes" is not a correct phrase. "Ain't" ain't acceptable no matter where you live.

Text driving. I cannot believe how many people (not just the youngsters) I see driving and texting every day. We all know it's distracting and dangerous.

Younger women calling me "hon". I find this mostly with waitresses in uniform. What is it with "what can I get for you hon"? Especially when she is young enough to be my "hon".

Men I don't know calling me honey or sweetie. This is even worse. Ick. I am amazed how often this still happens in the business world. Maybe I should try it on them and see what happens.

Prejudice. I still witness this, and it amazes me. I grew up with friends of various religions who had different skin colors than I. That's what makes the world go 'round, so it hurts to see people are still judgmental.

Cars with deafening, loud booming radios. This just screams "look at me everyone."

Grammar

2009-07-15T12:24:00.021-04:00

Abby says:
I have always been a stickler for proper spelling and grammar. I cringe when I read things that are misspelled or hear someone badgering the English language. This summer, I am taking a publishing editing class -- or so I thought. Little did I know it would include lots of details about spelling and grammar. Of course -- because that is what some book editors do. They red-line manuscripts to ensure proper spelling and style.

While I may be a writer, I write a lot of advertising copy. That means slang terms and style are much more loosy goosy than when writing a magazine article or a book manuscript.

Yikes, while reading our class assignments this week I realized I may have some poor grammar going, using my slangy terminology and such. I will never again go home to "lay on my couch" -- because that implies I might be "laying an egg", which of course, is not the case. If I tell my dog, Maggie to "lay down" -- no wonder she completely ignores me! She has no interest in "laying an egg" either. Now, I'm a bit paranoid. What happened to me? I guess I'll be paying better attention.

My past visions of grammar classes take me back in time to grade school. Catholic nuns walking around in long, black habits with stern looks -- and rulers -- making us spell incredibly difficult words. My classmates and I just hoped we did not get slapped.

My professor this time around seems much, much nicer, and there are luckily no rulers involved.

Sheri says:
I am so confused by all of this. I don't just have a slight crush on the English language -- I am hopelessly, stupidly in love with words, definitions and proper usage.

I am the nerd that should have pocket protectors stapled to my forehead. I would (almost) rather receive a box of sharpened red pencils than a new car.

By the way, I do not tell my dog to "lay down." I tell her to "lie down."

But here's the kicker. I am a dinosaur. Ok, I text. I use some shorthand in emails and notes. I know the difference between proper correspondence and a reply to a teenager. But do they?

And if I don't understand something or question its usage, I look it up. Years ago, that involved opening the dictionary or (gasp!) going to the library. I have it a lot easier these days. So does everyone. I still bother to look it up.

Abby says:
I look it up too. Problem is, grammar usage is tough to look up! With Microsoft grammar check, half the time it's incorrect...

PS: When Sheri and I worked together in a past life, she "red-lined" everything (whether it needed to be or not!).

The King of Pop

2009-07-07T12:46:00.013-04:00

Abby says:
I could not let today pass without writing something about Michael Jackson. I told myself I was not going to get caught up in it, but here I am. I set my VCR when I left home and have had CNN running non-stop at the office, glued to watching the throngs of fans and media vultures as the Jackson family makes their way from the cemetery to Staples Center for the big tribute.

I loved his music. It shaped much of my childhood, then my young adulthood. I remember when the "Off the Wall" album (yes, "album" -- I'm old!) came out. Then "Thriller". Then "Bad". They were all great. We'd play them over and over, dancing until the wee hours of the night. The dance clubs played them until we thought we'd drop. I used all his music when I taught my aerobics classes back in the 80's. I still continue to play some of my old favorites when I teach my Spin class.

There was nothing better than songs by the King of Pop.

What a sad and tragic ending to what seemed to be the tormented life of a gifted and talented person.

Sheri says:
I must admit to getting a little tired of the media attention since Michael's death. Come on! It's not like he was a head of state or anything. And so much of his adult life has been filled with creepy accusations and innuendos.

But a funny thing happened while I watched glimpses of the endless coverage -- I was shocked at how present he had been in so many parts of my life.

One of my first 45s was of The Jackson Five.I loved so much of his music and like Abby, it's almost been a soundtrack to my life.So of course, I watched the funeral. And I was touched once again by his music and his legacy. If you had asked me two weeks ago if I was a Michael Jackson fan, I probably would've shrugged and said, "He's ok. I like some of his music." Turns out, I'm a much bigger fan than I thought.

Abby says:
Me too. Not only did I watch the live telecast of the service, while I worked, I watched it on Larry King all night long. I did not realize how many people he touched all over the world.

Things We Miss About Our Youth

2009-06-17T10:43:00.016-04:00

Abby says:
Every year when summer rolls around, I reflect on what I miss about my youth. Here are my top 10.
1) Looking forward to summer vacation. Ahh...that smell of summer in the air. There was nothing better.

2) My summer job as a lifeguard every year. Cute lifeguard boys, bright sun, blue sky, suntan oil and fresh air for 3 months.

3) Making prank phone calls. This was one of my favorites. We made lame calls like: "Is your refrigerator running? You better go catch it." This continues to be one of my favorite pasttimes with my mom. Even with caller ID I can still occasionally trick her.

4) Snow days! Back then we didn't have to make them up.

5) Red, white and blue popsickles (then called "bomb pops") from the ice cream truck man.

6) Having endless amounts of energy and never being tired.

7) Having not a care in the world.

8) Piling 8 of us into a car and catching a drive-in movie.

9) The feeling of naive freedom.

10) The butterflies you get with young love.

Sheri says:
It does seem as time is passing even more quickly than before. I miss:

1) Running with the neighborhood kids, playing all kinds of games, and no one had to worry about us. Well, except for the occasional skinned knee or broken arm.

2) The teenage years of piling in a car and no one had invented cell phones. Pure freedom!

3) Getting a great report card.

4) Picnics and gatherings where the adults did all the work. We children just had to show up and have a good time.

5) Putting on a swimsuit without thinking about what my body looked like in it.

6) The giddy anticipation on Christmas Eve or the night before my birthday.

7) Being able to read fine print.

8) The satisfaction of earning money and having no bills.

9) Playing 45s and then albums on the turntable.

10) Believing I could do anything.

Abby says:
Don't forget about those 8-track tapes. We thought technology had finally arrived. Little did we know!

Corporate Wastefulness

2009-06-15T14:14:00.011-04:00

Abby says:
Americans are wasteful. Up until now with many companies downsizing and going belly up, I have never really paid that much attention. One corporation that comes to mind is Starbucks. With my business, I conduct a lot of breakfast meetings where I bring coffee and the like for small to medium groups. I often utilize Starbucks. When ordering a tote of coffee (serving 8-10 people) I typically ask for the accompanying "condiments". Rather than giving me enough for 8-10 people, I typically get enough sugar, sweetener and stir sticks for 50+ people . That is no exaggeration, and it happens every single time.

I recently purchased a coffee tote for my friends at the gym and counted 200+ sweeteners and sugars. Probably 60 stirs. The leftovers went right into my kitchen drawer for personal use. While I am thrilled I don't have to buy this stuff (it's NOT cheap) for quite some time thanks to Starbucks, it makes me a bit crazy.

Starbucks recently closed stores in my hometown, Indianapolis, and have been "right-sizing" across the country. I bet if their corporate powers-that-be knew of this practice they would cringe. Multiply me by even 500 customers a day and look at the wastefulness! Maybe they should train their staff to ask customers how many accompaniments they would like. Think of the dollars they could save.

Sheri says:
On the other hand, every fast food restaurant in the country has bounced to the other extreme. Does no one use ketchup or salt anymore? Why do I have to ask for it? Why does it only make it into the bag about half the time?

I realize cost-cutting measures are in order and in theory, I support them. But I long for the days when common sense and customer service prevailed. I long for the days when employees were allowed to think for themselves -- she ordered fries, I'll stick some ketchup in the bag -- rather than follow some robotic policy of "No ketchup unless someone asks for it."

I also wish we still lived in a society where companies didn't have to worry about every patron taking advantage of their generosity.

Abby says
Ahh...common sense. I guess it's gone by the wayside with the ketchup robots.

Is GM Acting Socially Responsible?

2009-06-11T14:27:00.013-04:00

Abby says:
I am in the business of marketing and advertising and have been for the last 25 years. Therefore, when TV commercials air, I watch avidly rather than flipping to the next best show.

To my dismay this past weekend when watching some mindless movie, a spot for the "new GM" came on. Wow, you've got to be kidding me. They take bail-out money then they needlessly spend gazillions of dollars on a TV spot to let the public know how they plan to reinvent themselves? What a waste of money -- especially since as taxpayers, we are indirectly footing that bill. There are so many new free or less expensive avenues with social marketing (such as blogs and chat forums) to get the word out about their plans.

To me that is irresponsible. Are they are talking out of both sides of their mouth? They want to be bailed out yet they keep spending needless money. No one cares about their pretty TV commercial (which was a bit odd in my opinion).

I care about turning the company around, honoring customer warranties and getting people back into the work force so they can support their families, pay their bills, buy groceries and have health insurance.

I've written and produced many TV commercials and placed the media for them as well. I cannot even begin to wonder how many thousands upon thousands of dollars they spent (and perhaps wasted) on this effort.

Sheri says:
As a taxpayer I now own part of these companies that got bail-out money. As an investor, I should be encouraged to buy these products or at the very least, hope someone else does so. As a citizen of one of the many states that is struggling to the very core due to this fiasco, I want to see them rise from the ashes. That's one side.

The other side is a person who believes in the power of marketing -- especially if the product backs up the marketing promise. I have seen it work. I have also been in too many situations where the marketing budget is the first line item to be cut. Marketing can save a company. It can also permanently destroy a customer relationship if the advertised promise doesn't deliver.

I hope they are looking at every possible avenue to save the American automotive industry. I hope every line item is under tremendous scrutiny. I hope the bail out is a hand up, not a hand out. And I truly hope they use the line item marked "Marketing" in a responsible way.

The Right to Bare Arms

2009-05-13T16:52:00.013-04:00

Sheri says:
This little twist of phrase was used recently by President Obama in reference to the over-the-top attention to his wife’s frequent preference for going sleeveless. She’s done it for magazine photo shoots, state dinners – even in her official White House portrait.

I say, “Hooray Michelle!”

Many of us grew up hearing things like, “Women over 30 shouldn’t have long hair.” Or, “Bare arms are inappropriate for women of a certain age.”

I respectfully disagree. I still have long hair and I often have bare arms. I think the reason for the bare arm rule was none of those people worked out. Women whose arms resemble Dumbo’s ears should not go sleeveless.

Some women have arms I covet. Kelly Ripa comes to mind. So does Samantha Harris.

I’ll probably spend the rest of my life trying to camouflage my thighs and suck in my stomach. But as long as I keep a standing date with my free weights, I will bare arms.

Abby says:
I agree with Sheri. Rules are made to be broken. I break rules all the time. Like Sheri, I now have long hair. I love it, and if people think I'm too old, oh well! And, I bare my arms all year long because I bust my tush at the gym lifting weights. Why not?

In my opinion, the rule about no sleeveless in the winter time went out the window with the invention of the personal trainer. Old fashioned I am not.

Go girl power!

Fat and Sassy in NYC

2009-04-28T10:35:00.019-04:00

Abby says:
New York is my absolute favorite city to visit. Luckily since I go to school out there, I visit often. I travel every year in April to a conference and always meet interesting people, collect interesting tidbits of information and have interesting things happen to me. This year was no exception. I will say, Sheri and I typically travel this one together, so I missed her being along this time around.

I never take "sensible" shoes. I actually don't own any sensible shoes. Therefore, when I arrived at the airport yesterday to fly home, I could barely walk due to the huge blisters and black and blue bruising on the bottoms of my feet -- from walking around Manhattan in high heels. We're talking blocks and blocks of walking for 4 days. I have attempted to become familiar with the subway system, and even purchase a Metro Card when I visit. But, unfortunately when you get on the wrong subway line, you get lost and end up walking anyway. Somehow I accidentally trained from the upper east side to the upper west side instead of returning to my hotel and ended up walking about 35 blocks. Ouch!

Oh well. It was definitely worth it.

On my last evening there I decided to dine at one of my favorite haunts several blocks from my hotel. When I limped in, sat at the bar and opened my menu, to my dismay all the dishes were listed with their individual calorie counts. How depressing! I asked the bartender what that was about. He said it was a New York law for chain restaurants. Yikes.

So, after eating my Caesar salad (approx 860 calories) and my crabcake appetizer (approx 700 calories), a few pieces of bread and a glass of wine (calorie content not disclosed), he slid a dessert menu in front of me. Of course, the calorie count for the coconut cream pie I ordered (along with the other deserts) were not listed!

After consuming all this food (last year Sheri and I split one dinner and it was plenty!) I waddled out, past the limping stage, and hoofed it back to my hotel. Even with my aching feet, it was a great trip.

Sheri adds:
Once I get over my mind-consuming jealousy of your trip without me, I will be fine. As for the food, I believe dieting is not necessary in Manhattan. You are guaranteed to walk off any extra calories.

100 Things We Love

2009-04-22T09:11:00.003-04:00

Abby says:
This is our 100th post! To commemorate the fact that we are still blogging (and that Sheri and I are still friends) here are 100 things we love.

1. The look, feel and smell of a new book
2. British accents
3. The words "I can"
4. Laughter
5. The smell of puppy breath
6. An ice cold beer on a hot summer day
7. American Idol then downloading the great songs on my iPod
8.The feeling of a small (or large) success
9. A great old song that brings back memories
10. A great song that creates new ones
11. People that still say please and thank you
12. A guy that opens the door for me
13. My dog, Maggie
14. The color combo brick red and mustard
15. A great movie
16. A crackling fire in the fireplace
17. A quiet day at the pool (anyone's pool!) or a sandy beach
18. Driving around on a sunny day with a great song on the radio and the windows down
19. Mexican food
20. The cooing sound of a newborn baby
21. The sound of steady raindrops during a summer rain
22. A spicey fragrant candle
23. A clean house
24. Surfing the Internet, blogging and Facebooking
25. A guy in faded blue jeans and and a t-shirt or sweats
26. Sweating during a great workout
27. Being done with my workout
28. Trips to Phoenix with my friends
29. A quiet day with a good book
30. Tulips and lavendar in the spring time
31. Cold sleeping weather with lots of blankets
32. Balance in my life
33. Fall days with clear blue, sunny skies
34. Intimate dinners with great conversation
35. A great bargain find at a flea market or thrift store
36. Coffee
37. Walking around NYC and taking the subway
38. Texting my friends
39. Cold water with crushed ice in a clear glass
40. A night when I don't have homework
41. A trip to the outlet mall
42. Accomplishment
43. Jack Bauer in TV drama 24
44. Every once in awhile getting really dressed up
45. Writing books
46. Writing in my diary
47. Sushi
48. Teaching Spin class
49. Listening to loud music while I clean
50. Living life!

Sheri adds:
51. Sleeping with my dog, Gabby
52. Receiving a handwritten letter
53. Eating just hors d’oerves for dinner
54. Finding money in a coat pocket
55. Mastering a new techno gadget
56. Landing somewhere tropical, especially in winter
57. Chardonnay
58. Discovering a new website or blog
59. Shooting stars
60. Homemade soups in the winter
61. Sculpted arms
62. New words
63. Anyone with a great sense of humor
64. Seeing a great movie the first weekend it opens
65. Daffodils and daisies
66. The smell of sunscreen
67. Sunglass readers
68. Sharpening pencils
69. Clean, pressed sheets misted with Lavender linen spray
70. Rising from failure
71. The fellowship I feel in church
72. Indiana tomatoes and corn
73. Black pants and black skirts
74. Cowboy boots
75. Men with great taste in shoes
76. New school supplies
77. Any fair: The State Fair, Art Fairs, People who are fair
78. Funny quotes
79. Lake cottages
80. Urban areas, especially Manhattan
81. The theater, especially Broadway
82. Girl trips
83. Quirky, dive bars
84. Old movies
85. Things that make cleaning easier like Swiffers
86. Good hair days
87. Baseball caps and a ponytail
88. Going through old photos
89. Chocolate chip ice cream
90. Old sitcoms like The Andy Griffith Show
91. People watching in airports
92. Nervous anticipation
93. Diamond solitaire earrings
94. Objects that evoke a memory of a person or an event
95. People who know how to fix anything from the plumbing to the computer
96. Dogs who swim for tennis balls
97. Parents who teach manners and proper behavior
98. My family
99. My friends
100. The blessing of every new day.

10 Ways of Cutting Back Without Feeling It

2009-04-13T20:45:00.013-04:00

Abby says:
In today's economy, I don't know anyone who isn't cutting back somewhere. I am no different. My office lease is up, and I'm moving to a smaller space. Not to be cliche, but I'm consolidating as much as I can in my business where there are economies of scale.

But, I'm trying to cut things without actually feeling it. Here are 10 ideas we came up with to share with you.

1) When grocery shopping I am now buying some generics. On some items, you truly cannot tell the difference -- except in price. Some examples (depending on the store): bottled water, soda, sliced cheese, paper products, half and half creamer. If you take prescriptions, ask your doctor to write for the generic if available. It can mean the difference of paying $20 versus $80 or $100 per Rx.

2) Rather than giving in to my Starbucks fix each morning on the way to work, I am buying Starbucks by the pound at Target -- saving about $20 per week. It's not as glamorous, but you can use the extra money you save to buy a glamorous pair of shoes!

3) I love the Goodwill Store and other thrift shops. If you've got some time and you're willing to dig through the rubble, there are great deals to be had! Some items even have the original tags. It beats the high price of the malls.

4) I am a Barnes and Noble junkie. You can find me there almost every Saturday morning. Now, instead of buying the books, I look at them at BN then try to find them at the library. I am once again an official card carrier.

5) Call your local cable TV company and ask for pricing on a package deal. Mine is batching phone, cable TV and Internet for an unbelievably low price for a two-year term. The potential savings are sizable.

Sheri says:
In addition to the poor state of our economy, I am facing divorce and a never-ending job search. Cutting back has taken on a whole new meaning to me. Like Abby, I want these changes to be as painless as possible and here are a few that can help.

1. Order your pet medications online. Cutting corners is one thing, neglecting your health or your pet's health is wrong. I have saved significantly by ordering through Pet Meds.

2. Donate your time where you once gave money. Yes, all of those organizations still need cold hard cash and yes, you might not be in the position to give at the level you once did. There are still ways to contribute.

3. Sell your clothes and accessories through a consignment shop. I did a major purge of my closet and although most of the items were donated, several went to a consignment shop and I received a small sum. Or, learn to sell unwanted items on eBay or similar sites.

4. Prioritize. I don't pay a trainer (sorry Abs!) and I don't belong to a gym. I do exercise every day. Sometimes it's using free weights and going up and down the stairs. Most days it's taking my dog to the park for a 2-mile walk.

5. Accept the gift. I used to pick up the check on a regular basis. I enjoyed it and it was not a sacrifice for me. These days, I do not have that option on my budget. But, when someone offers to buy my lunch, etc. I graciously accept.

We'd love to hear your suggestions.

Next In Line Please

2009-03-19T11:39:00.003-04:00

Abby says:

Ok, maybe it's because people are so stressed about the current economy. Maybe they are clueless. Or, maybe they are just plain rude, and I'm only now noticing it.

When you are at the checkout of the grocery, drug store or other retail establishment, and there's a big long line it's irritating. It's even more irritating when a new cashier opens up and says: "I can help the next in line please" and someone cuts in line to rush up and pay. Yes, "cut in line". That's from grade school, but I don't know how else to describe it.

What's the matter with people that they are in such a rush? I was recently at Walgreen Drugstore purchasing some items for my dad's return home from the hospital, so it was an already stressful day. The store was hot. The line was long. I was tired. There was a woman in front of me with her arms full of diapers and baby formula. When the new cashier opened up and announced "next in line" I went to help this gal over with her stuff. Low and behold a young woman slipped in front of us and put her things right on the counter "cutting in line". Not being my usual nice self, I moved them back and put the women's items down who really was next in line. It turned a bit ugly. I told the woman she was "cutting in line" -- and everyone behind us chimed in with agreement. She asked me: "What are you going to do about it?" I was not very polite to her, and she stormed out of the store. Everyone in line clapped.

I noticed this past weekend the "cutting" happened twice again. Blatantly! I said something to the 60-something woman who totally ignored this at the office supply store, and she was quite embarrassed. She did actually apologize.

What has happened to manners?

Sheri says:

Manners have gone the way of the economy – rapidly downhill. If it is stress, there is no excuse. We are all stressed.

People are cutting other things besides cutting in line. They’re cutting corners. Some of us are cutting ties. Others are cutting their losses.

I’m all for people making necessary changes to fit life’s circumstances but there’s no need to inflict undue misery on others.

Siblings

2009-02-16T09:20:00.010-05:00

Abby says,
Siblings. Some like Mars. Some like Venus. That's what makes the world go round in so many different ways. Until recently, I've not contemplated my siblings.

We are a sandwich. I'm the youngest, my sis is in the middle (4 years my elder), and my brother is the oldest (4 years older than my sister). All my life, I got along well with my brother. My sis and I were a different story. When we were teenagers, our over sized bathroom with dual sinks was never big enough for the two of us. We fought, we screamed, we yelled. We threw things. It was not until I "grew up" in my college years that I finally appreciated having another chick to hang with.

Just as we were getting to know one another and appreciate the friendship we had, she got married and moved far away. Fast forward 27 years. She is back, but sadly because our dad has been unexpectedly ill.

Until a family crisis rears its ugly head, you never appreciate just how different siblings really are. During the high stress periods in the hospital, I think we all three wondered, "Are we REALLY related to one another?" I even joked about it with my dad as he lay in his hospital bed. What's great about us all being very different is that we have been able to contribute different sets of expertise and make the best of our situation. I am the one with all the doctor contacts. My sister is very detail-oriented and has a book keeping background -- which has been a God send in organizing everything. My brother works behind the scenes and is a thinker who comes up with ideas. He's also the peace-maker who tries to keep us all from killing one another and keep everyone on a level playing field. We all 3 do things very differently, however, in the situation with my dad, it did not matter. It's just great to have 2 other intelligent people with different perspectives pitching in.

And, we have a long road to go with his health care. Until now, I've never thought about how different we really are. I just know I am so lucky to have them both, especially considering the situation we have been through the past 3 months.

Sheri says:
This is a hard topic for me to discuss without sounding negative. I do not have siblings and I vacillate between resenting those who do and being grateful that I do not have to engage in sibling wars.

I am unusually close to my parents but I don't believe it's because I'm an only child. I think they would be this way with any other children they might have had. They have "adopted" others over the years and they are loved as much as I am.

Like most things, being an only child has its plusses and negatives. I've never felt lonely -- I have enough personalities to entertain myself alone. I've never lacked for friends and many I love as much, if not more, as any phantom siblings I may have had. I've studied families over the years and like everything else, some are stronger than others. Some siblings are thick as thieves while others rarely acknowledge each other. Or, only do so in times of family crisis.

That's when I get a little nervous. When a parent is ill or dies, I see families come together. Regardless of family history or lurking issues, siblings embrace their shared history, make decisions and support each other. My parents are usually quite healthy but during our few times of crisis, I feel alone. No one has the vested interest in these two people as I do. No one shares my childhood or my genetic quirks.

It serves no purpose at this point in my life to wish for something I do not have. But I hope those of you who are blessed with great siblings will cherish them. Be nice to the odd ones too.

From One Candid Girl to Another

2009-01-20T09:04:00.005-05:00

Sheri says:

The image above is from a card I received many, many years ago. The handwritten note inside expresses good wishes for some difficulty I was experiencing. I do not remember what it was. Of course, the card was from Abby.

The framed card has moved with me numerous times. It's been in every office I've ever occupied from my corporate days to my home office. I've looked at it almost every day for close to two decades and it still makes me smile.

Now it's my turn to send this card and similar wishes to Abby. Queens may not make bargains but some of us mere mortals do. Abby is facing some challenges and every day seems to throw a new curve. She is one of the strongest women I know but that doesn't mean she is immune to fear or exhaustion.

So, hang in there my friend.

Abby says:
Thanks Sheri! I remember this card and have always loved it.

Yes, I am exhausted and I am somewhat in fear. My dad has been in and out of the emergency room 4 times in the last week. He was admitted finally and has had 2 unexpected surgeries in 2 days. There was to be another today but he's now got some type of stomach flu so they cannot operate. It's been never ending. All odds say he should make it through. I am keeping hope.

The one good thing that has come of this is I am now armed with the missing information I need to complete my healthcare book -- to help others like me naviagate our difficult system. I have met with numerous doctors and other healthcare providers yet it's more confusing than ever. Hopefully I can pass the knowledge I've gained to others soon.

Do All Things Happen For a Reason?

2008-12-29T12:30:00.013-05:00

Abby says:
I have always been a supporter of "all things happen for a reason". Now, I am a firm believer. My sister has always been somewhat karmic. She believes in Eastern medicine and is a Reiki healer. I work for physicians and am a believer in Western medicine -- although I don't discount other types of healing. We're very different, but somehow it's always worked out between us. Recently, after being gone from Indy for more than 25 years, she announces out of the clear blue, she is moving back. "From Boulder, Colorado? "Are you crazy?" -- people ask her. She's never really had a firm answer. She just said "It's time".

She's always had this uncanny way of knowing that something is going to happen -- good or bad. It has been that way since she was young. It gives me the shivers. Well, once again, voila -- my dad was hospitalized the week before Christmas. Luckily, she is home and available to help out or my brother and I would have a serious situation and big decisions on our hands. Just so happens she was in the process of job interviewing without a lot of luck -- thanks to our thriving economy. Now, she has a part-time job. Being a caretaker. My parents are happy. She has a flexible schedule and can devote the remainder of her time to creating her works of art. If that's not karmic, I don't know what is. All things must happen for a reason.

Sheri says:

I do not fully believe all things happen for a reason.

Too many senseless deaths and disasters occur. I do feel some people are more intuitive than others. Many are better prepared for various situations. Others may be more observant and see signals and signs versus burying their heads and seeing only what they choose to see.

It would be great if the chasm between eastern and western medicine could be bridged. I believe science and spirituality can co-exist. One word of caution: Care giving is mentally and physically taxing. She will need her healing powers more than ever. I think we are given free will to make some choices. Others are inflicted on us and our only options are how we deal with them.

What Were They Thinking?

2008-12-02T18:16:00.026-05:00

Sheri says:
Although I love this topic, lately I'm more likely to ask, "What was I thinking?"
A few days ago, I backed out of my parents driveway and hit a car parked on the street. What was I thinking?

A couple of weeks ago, I was forced to separate from my husband of 16 years. Turns out, I didn't know the man quite as well as I thought, Where was my brain?

Lots of people make mistakes. Like the 3 auto maker CEOs looking for a government bailout who chose to fly in three corporate jets. Like the woman who was trying to stretch her baby's formula due to these dire economic times and ended up almost killing her son.

Some people are pretty good at thinking things through and making rational decisions. I used to think I was one of them but lately I'm not so sure.

Abby says:
* What were they thinking when they recently decided to bring leggings back into the fashion forefront? (What was I thinking when I bought a pair?)
* What were they thinking when they decided wearing your pants below your hiney was stylish? (Thankfully, I never adopted this fashion statement.)
* What were they thinking when they thought non-athlete males strolling the beach in skimpy Speedo bathing suits was hot? (Not!)
* What were they thinking when they thought making big grunting noises in the weight room at the gym would attract women?
* What were they thinking when they invited Cloris Leachman to be on Dancing With the Stars?
* What was Britney Spears thinking when she shaved her head?
* What was O.J. thinking when he stormed that Palace Station Hotel room looking for "his loot" -- landing him in prison? And, what were they thinking when they almost published his book last year?
* What were the mortgage lenders, finance companies and banks thinking when they made those loans they knew people could not repay?
* What was President Bush thinking all the times he said "nuculear" for "nuclear"?
* What were they thinking when they trampled the worker at Walmart trying to get into the store the day after Thanksgiving to scoop the best bargains?
* I agree with Sheri: What were the auto chiefs thinking when they decided corporate jets project a better image to the American public than flying coach?

10 Reasons to be thankful

2008-11-23T16:22:00.011-05:00

Abby says:
I cannot remember a time in my life where everything around me was so negative and so many people were unhappy. While I think the economy is very bad, I also think the national news media has done a number on us. You can't turn on the TV without someone analyzing and criticizing yet none of them seems to suggest solutions to the current mess. The owner of my favorite lunchtime haunt came up to me the other day and said, "Hey we need to figure out how to take all this negative publicity and turn it into something good -- something that thrives during hard times and can help people." I am totally on board.

The negativity continues in and around the periphery of my circle. People around me have recently died. One just took his own life. One other admitted to relating to how he feels. That is scary. One friend is possibly losing her husband. It's not working out. I remember how that feels. One friend's mother is in the hospital -- again. Family members of mine are struggling in many ways. Yet another is still recovering from a bad accident.

Through all of this I still try to see the positive and light at the end of the tunnel. Mostly, I am thankful for what I have. Here are my top 5 reasons to be thankful. They are overly simple, but that's ok:

* Thankful to have a family members in my hometown

* Thankful to have a good network of friends

* Thankful to have a roof over my head

* Thankful to have a job

* Thankful I know enough to be thankful

Sheri says:

I have had many negative things happen to me lately. Of course I have shared them with Abby. My personal life is in shambles and some other scary things are going on. Also, as Abby mentioned, a friend of ours committed suicide. Throw in money struggles and computer problems (my lifeline!) and I've had every legitimate excuse to be down on life.

Yet, I am not. I have laughed a lot this week. The ridiculous, over-the-top, can't get your breath kind of laughter. I have slept soundly which is something that I have struggled with for years. I have looked to the future with a stronger sense of self. It's pretty appropriate that these revelations have happened to me during the Thanksgiving season.

To Abby's list, I say "ditto for me." So my list will be a little sillier:

I'm thankful that the dark circles beneath my eyes are fading.

I'm thankful that my dog sleeps on my bed and growls if she hears anything suspicious.

I'm thankful that we're headed into prime eating season and I could stand to gain a little weight.

I'm thankful that my computer is fixed and my email is once again doing its job.

I'm thankful that I"m starting to like the person I see reflected in the mirror.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Beauty and the Beast of Change

2008-11-03T10:45:00.005-05:00

Sheri says:

For someone who avoids change, I must admit to some revelations:

* Most changes I’ve been forced into have turned out reasonably well.
* Most self-made disastrous predictions were proven false.
* Even the hardest changes have provided some valuable learning experiences.

I’m trying to embrace change with a more open mind. This old dog doesn’t change her spots very well but I’m willing to work on it.

Abby says:

I’m a total change agent and have been since I can remember. I view it as when one door closes another door opens.

Once upon a time when Sheri and I worked together long ago in our banking days, we navigated through some pretty turbulent waters every time our company acquired another bank. Which was often. Everyone around us got scared wondering if there was still a slot for them – or if their slot would be eliminated. There was always whispering, gossip and negativity. It was terribly unproductive.

I never looked at it that way. To me, it was a challenge to see what good things we could make out of every curve ball thrown our way. That attitude has served me well to this day.

To me, changes are bumps in the road. Some are bigger and more uncomfortable than others. Eventually the ugly beast leads the way to the raving beauty.

Sheri has recently encountered some big changes. Some cool and unusual opportunities have come of them.

Saying Yes to Life's Experiences

2008-10-21T20:44:00.008-04:00

Abby says:
When I get really busy with work, I get writer's block, and the creative juices just don't flow. So, I asked a friend to give me a topic for our blog. Here it is. "Saying Yes More Often to Participating in Life's Experiences". I thought this was great. We're all busy occupied with our daily lives, but sometimes it's important to regroup and think about things we might be missing out on. Like the saying goes, "life's too short" -- and this really is true, so I guess I need to think more about living each day as though it could be the last.

This is sort of like our own "Bucket List". I'm officially adopting this today. Here are my top 5.

* Connect with people from my past: I have avidly pursued this over the last month thanks to a great friend from my past who recently reconnected with me. Because of this, I have made contact with people I cared a lot about but lost touch (some via online, some via phone and some in person). Including my sister -- who recently moved back to Indianapolis where I live. It's been a great experience. Most importantly, I want to stay in touch with these people for good.

* Live in another city: I hope to accomplish this someday, somehow. Even if it means commuting somewhere different on a regular basis for my work. My favorite cities are New York, Phoenix and Miami, but I'd be just as happy somewhere in California or on a ranch out West in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of cattle.

* Keep an open mind: While I'm the first to promote change in work scenarios, I often tend to stay in a rut when it comes to my personal life. It's easier. You don't have to try hard. You get into a comfortable routine. I think keeping an open mind and being more flexible may help me to get out and see what else life has to offer.

* Let my guard down: My family, friends and clients chuckle at me because they know I am a fairly guarded person. Ok, I get it. I need to put myself out there more. I think the last time someone saw me publicly emotional was when a family member was hospitalized a couple years ago. (I hide it very well). A client said it was readily visible that I was ruffled and commented that while the circumstances were unfortunate it was good to see that side of me actually existed.

* Get out of my comfort zone: Someone recently told me that if you're not out of your comfort zone, you're truly missing out. I thought this was well put. It's easy to do the same old thing day after day and create a safety net, thus potentially missing out on lots of exciting things. I think this advice holds true for all of life's experiences, as well as love, family and career.

Sheri says:
I like going second on this one. Abby’s list amazes me. My list is similar, but different enough:

Treasure Friendships. I have also reconnected with an old friend but for the most part, I’m struggling to keep up with the ones I have.

Rediscover the City I Live in. I love to travel but when I’m home, I forget to look around. I forget that there are places to go and things to do that don’t make my normal routine. I have had a few chances to live in other cities but life circumstances did not allow it.

Closing My Mind. Debates and various exchanges of information are powerful. I listen carefully and I like to form my own opinion. I have now lived enough decades that on a few subjects, my opinion is done. It is solid. It is part of my core character.

Be a Little More Guarded. Abby is known for her ability to keep everything close to the vest. I do not have this quality. I am a "Splat, what do you think of that?" kind of person.

Get Out of My Comfort Zone. Need to do it. Got to do it. Scared stiff. That’s why it’s called “comfort.”

Accept Myself. My mind is not quite as adept as a 25-year old. I feel behind in technology. But I need to remind myself that I am keeping up. On a day-to-day basis, I take care of a lot of people and things on the agenda.

Walk Away. I have tentacles. I tend to glom onto things/people and hang on for dear life. If a conversation takes a nose dive, I must learn to walk away. If a relationship turns toxic, I must walk away.

Tramp Stamps

2008-09-26T17:39:00.001-04:00

Sheri says:

Anyone who knows me is aware of my serious aversion to needles. I try to be a responsible adult so I get my blood drawn as part of a yearly physical and I get my flu shot. If my doctor tells me a need a booster shot, I get it.

Other than that, get those needles away from me! Needless to say, I do not have a tattoo.

Lots of the younger generation considers this a rite of passage, kind of like miscellaneous piercings. Go ahead young people! Mutilate your body. Don’t cry to me when you need to make a business presentation or attend a black tie event and you can’t quite hide your youthful escapade.

The tattoo along a woman’s lower back has been referred to as the “tramp stamp.” I did not coin this term, nor do I use it about anyone I know. But, I’m familiar with it.

Abby thought I might possibly be making it up. She doesn’t trust my wisdom very much.

I’m so glad tattoos weren’t popular in my day. I would’ve been the nerd who refused to participate. And I’m glad I’m not this middle-age woman with a tramp stamp running across my lower back.

Abby says:

When Sheri told me of this term I felt out of touch. I guess I am not in the loop. I even looked on Wikipedia, and there it was – an entire section dedicated to the tramp stamp. Amazingly, I know many professional women my age who have a tattoo – some larger and more visible than others, especially in the summertime. They have them for a myriad of reasons: sentiment, girl power, love – the full gamut.

I have nothing against them. I just never ventured into the painful, prickling waters of tattoo land, as I, too, have an aversion to needles. Flu shots and blood draws make me queasy. I also have an aversion to contracting hepatitis or other diseases. I know people who have – many years after getting their decorative marks.

Besides, I’d want to change the design like I change my shoes (and that is often!). Maybe a temporary tattoo is the answer. You can purchase them at drug store make-up counters. Just rub on and wipe off when you’re done (in case you change your mind).

Penmanship

2008-09-22T08:12:00.005-04:00

Abby says:

Last weekend I was sifting through old photos. Upon digging through dusty boxes and discolored envelopes I also came across ancient-looking handwritten papers with beautiful penmanship. I thought to myself, "Who wrote these? The handwriting is so pretty". Unbeknownst to me, they were mine – mostly from grade school and high school days. My dad saves everything and I inherit these “treasures” as my parents clean out their house.

Today I have sloppy penmanship -- something between a writing and printing combo – depending on how hurried I am. It's barely legible to me. It looks like doctor scrawling. Go figure. I work with many doctors and must have unconsciously picked up that trait. I wonder why my writing has changed. Maybe it's because I don't have the nuns to slap me on the wrist with a ruler when my writing gets sloppy -- like they did in grade school. Or, maybe I am just lazy. Perhaps I need to work on this.

What does our penmanship say about us? Sheri's is the prettiest I have ever seen.

Sheri says:
I do have legible handwriting. Many people comment on it and it always makes me think of the years my parents made me rewrite things, like homework or thank you notes. They were sticklers.

Most of us do that combo between printing and cursive. Is it a signature style?

Every once in a while my husband or my son will leave me a note. It is not unusual for me to track them down and say, “I can’t read this.” My parents would have never tolerated this so here’s another area where I have failed.

Penmanship is personal. It’s your stamp. For those of us who still write and receive handwritten notes, it’s a badge.

I’m so glad the generation behind me knows how to type and text. I also want them to write/print in a coherent fashion. This will be my new cause!

FYI, I can always read Abby’s handwriting. I’ve been doing it for over 20 years.

Abby says:
Here are samples of our penmanship. Not too tough to figure out which one is Sheri’s.

Reunions

2008-09-14T10:40:00.005-04:00

Abby says:

This has been the week of happy reunions. Thursday night the girls from Sheri's Gym (our defunct workout training group of 10 years) got together for a small reunion to celebrate birthdays and drink margaritas. A fun night of laughs and catch-up.

This past week I was contacted out of the blue by an old friend from my past. He has started a Facebook page for the many of us who swam together competitively for the Riviera Swim Club in Indianapolis. Those were truly the best days of my life. As of today I have connected with several people via Facebook, MySpace and Classmates dot com from that era of my life and relived many great memories. I also spent the weekend pilfering through scads of old photos. Swimming is a weird sport. We spent hours, days, months and years together slogging in the pool at all hours of the day and night, smelling like chlorine and constantly slathering lotion on our forever snake-dry skin. The people I swam with shaped my life in many ways. Check out our newly-formed Facebook page (Riviera Swimming Alumni).

The best reunion of all is that my sister, Mindy, is moving home to Indy. I think she has been gone almost 20 years. Maybe more. Minnesota. Colorado. She must have acquired the artistic gene in the family as she is multi-talented and an artist. She makes beautiful one-of-a-kind hand-dyed garments and wall hangings and does other cool stuff too. I have lost track. Over the past few years I’ve seen her only a handful of times. It will be great to have her back and be her friend. Check out this photo above – one of her cool items.

Sheri says:

Reunions can be fun although I avoid some of them. I have never been to a high school reunion. We’ve had some unofficial reunions of college friends but I’ve never attended the official ones. It’s rare for me to attend a family reunion and I suspect those days are over.

Ab and I go to an annual conference. In many ways, it feels like a reunion.

Thursday night with the workout girls was fun but I don’t consider it a reunion since I see or talk to each of them every week.

Next month, there’s a gathering in my childhood neighborhood and I am going. I still see or talk to lots of these people but it is a reunion of sorts.

I’m excited for Ab’s reunion with her sister. Since I don’t have a sister, my closest comparison is two childhood girlfriends who try to meet at least once a year. One I see a lot; the other I only see every 12 to 18 months. I get giddy with anticipation of the three of us spending the weekend together. I suspect that’s what Ab is feeling with her sister moving to town.

Some of the people I miss have left this earth. Maybe that’s the lesson for me: Reunite with friends and loved ones while you can.

Generation Gap

2008-08-25T08:58:00.005-04:00

Abby says:

When I was young I used to make fun of “older people” when they talked about “you young kids and the generation gap”. I never got it. Now, I am one of those older people and experience the generation gap quite often. Sometimes it makes me chuckle. Other times it makes me want to crawl under a rock.

A few weeks ago my cousins were in from Denver. We used to be U.S. Mail pen pals when we were young. I have not seen them since my teen years. It was great fun to hook up. During lunch, their two kids amused us all. Their 11-year-old son discussed his like for Aerosmith. I was quite impressed. We were then discussing Elton John (my fave) and his sister, who is 16, said (as she madly texted her friends), “Elton John, he’s dead isn’t he?” I laughed until I cried. Ah…the generation gap.

Sheri says:

I acknowledge the generation gap but I find it shrinking. And, I think it’s interesting that we share the same music with our parents and our children. I am equally happy with Frank Sinatra or the Doobie Brothers.

My husband’s children are teaching him things but he’s also introducing them to new things. I’m addicted to my favorite (oldies) music but they take great joy in discovering new artists.

Middle age is a puzzler. (I use the term “middle age” loosely. No one in my family has seen 90.)

My generation gap is more like a generation gasp. The reunion concert that I want to attend is celebrating their 25th or 30th year, Oh my!

Stronger than I Look

2008-08-18T10:06:00.002-04:00

Sheri says:

Several years ago, our friend Mickey had t-shirts made for our workout group we used to refer to as Sheri’s Gym. The back has the phrase, “I’m stronger than I look.” I wear mine with pride. It was meant to bolster our confidence and remind us that sweating and lifting weights in the early morning would make us stronger.

Whether they exercise or not, I know lots of strong women. I was raised by one and I tend to surround myself with them. They inspire me. They are the looking glass I use to pinpoint my areas that need improvement. Sometimes they scare me with their decisions. But, I watch and learn.

Am I physically stronger than I look? Probably yes, thanks to Abby (she used to be our trainer). Am I mentally stronger than I look? The jury’s still out. Am I emotionally stronger than I look? No. I am a weenie.

Abby says:

I wore my shirt so much it finally fell apart. I miss it. Funny thing, I used to wear it to the gym. Some guy came up to me and said, “You don’t look strange to me.” I thought, “Ok this guy is weird.” Then I realized he misread my shirt, so I went up and clarified to him that it said ‘strong’ not ‘strange’. We had a good laugh.

Another time I was wearing the shirt and had just come from working out. I noticed a man out of the corner of my eye approaching my car as I was loading groceries at the store. I turned on a dime and almost slugged him as he got in my personal space. It was an older man who said he "needed money to fill his prescription". I told him it was a very bad idea to sneak up on someone. I think I scared him more than he scared me. I had to chuckle because I was wearing that shirt.

I don’t consider myself mentally strong – but have the great knack of compartmentalizing bad things or things I don’t care to deal with at the time. It enables me to look stronger than I am.

Can You Fix It?

2008-08-05T10:25:00.001-04:00

Sheri says:

If you’ve ever worked in the corporate world, chances are you’ve taken a personality profile test. I think I’ve taken at least 20 but I’m not sure how they helped.

It has been validated that I am impatient. I don’t like the build-up. Give me the gist of the message and I’ll let you know if I have questions. Most often, I ask, “Can you fix it?”

This applies to:
My car.
My computer.
My body.
My banker.
My plumbing.
And pretty much everything else I can think of.

Beyond impatience, I admit to some anal tendencies. I did not marry a “Mr. Fix-It” so I have all my “fix-it” people on speed dial.

Abby says:

“Can you fix it” has been the story of my life the past several weeks. I am not handy. My handyman skills stop at hanging a picture on the wall. A few weeks ago, we had a major afternoon storm. My office building was struck by lightning. You know those expensive surge protectors you purchase to protect all your equipment? Well, they don’t work during a major hit. I walked into work the following day only to find nothing was operating. Portions of our computers, modem and router were damaged.

Talk about “can you fix it”! I had two computer people working on getting us back up. One was here on site for two full days, and one was in Virginia via phone. To make matters even more fun, the AT&T repair person was here attempting to work with both of them. I felt clueless and helpless. I was clueless and helpless. They were speaking in foreign tongues talking about DNS this and something something that.

Those three people have now been added to my speed dial.

Another Perspective On "Go Away"

2008-07-29T08:12:00.009-04:00

Abby says:
When I was a young girl I had several pen pals. We would write snail mail letters back and forth across the country and live vicariously through each other. Unfortunately, letter writing appears to be a dying artform. Today, we have "cyber pals" on the Internet. As part of my Publishing Masters at PACE University in New York, I took an online course this summer and corresponded every day via a cyber blackboard with some neat people from vaious walks of life. Now, I have new pen pals. One of them was Shweta Johri. She is a journalist from Mumbai, India, currently living in Manhattan with her husband and working towards her Masters in Publishing at PACE.

She had some great and wonderful insight on our class topics, so I thought having her as a guest blogger would be interesting. She chose to comment on our previous post regarding "Go Away".

Shweta says:
I come from Mumbai, the second most populous city in the world, wherethe magic words "go away" have no power. We're surrounded by people all the time, everywhere we go. Even at home, the doorbell rings constantly, people show up unannounced, and when the phone rings, we always answer it – Mumbaiites don't believe in answering-machines or 'Do Not Disturb' signs or keeping to oneself, or the concept of personal boundaries or "me-time".

All my life, I felt suffocated by the constant stream of people imposing upon my time – be it my immediate family or the first cousin of the friend of a friend, a well-meaning but inquisitive neighbor or a persistent street vendor. I longed for what Virginia Woolf describes in her powerful essay as "A Room of One's Own." Then I moved here, and spent a few years oscillating between enjoying the wide open spaces this country has to offer, and suffering horrible withdrawal symptoms from my years of never having been by myself. Currently I'm living in NYC, and it has been a pleasant surprise to discover that it's possible to feel "alonely" in a big city. I use the word "alonely" to distinguish it from the negative connotations of "lonely".

I have begun to appreciate the company of people more, now that I can balance that with the opportunity to enjoy my own company. And I find myself hardly ever saying "go away". But that's probably because this country gives me few reasons to do so – whenever I go back to Mumbai I find myself chanting them more and more. Of course, they still have no power there.

Would you please just go away?

2008-07-21T08:10:00.001-04:00

Sheri says:

One of my friends has taught her dogs this command: “Go away!” They don’t exactly embrace it but they do move away or lie down.

Have you ever been in a restaurant or bar with girlfriends and some intrusive guy wants to horn in on the party? Go away.

Or you’ve managed a few hours of solitude on a plane and your seatmate wants to tell you his or her entire life story. Go away.

I love the delete button. I get lots of spam and promotional opportunities. I hit delete. Go away.

Phones send me over the edge. The ringing breaks my concentration and I often scream at the receiver. Go away.

But I have come to realize that I am a needy person. With those I love, I don’t want to scream “Go Away!” I want to whisper, “Come a little bit closer. I need you.”

Abby says:

In my younger years I was an incredibly insensitive and impatient person. Many times I did the “go away” thing. One time, I said it once too often to someone. Unfortunately I was wed to him. He took the hint and really left -- for good. Woops, I did not really mean it that one time.

Now I am careful to only think “go away” and keep it to myself.

Seconds

2008-07-09T17:00:00.004-04:00

Sheri says:

Lately, my life comes down to seconds.

I’ve attended quite a few second weddings and I know many people on their second marriage. I find myself second guessing myself and others. I read or watch the news and realize how often life changes in a split second.

Teenagers may not do this anymore but in my day, getting to second base was a big deal. People take pride in saying, “I’m a second-generation whatever.”

Maybe second isn’t so bad. I’m all about second opinions. Coming in second in a contest may not win the prize but you’re up there.

When I cook, I like it when people get second helpings. I also support the group, “Second Helpings.” They give leftover food to the shelters.

I’m firmly implanted in the second half of life.

Abby says:

I’ve never thought about it, but I like and embrace this concept. My most memorable triumph of “second” is a young, very close family member who just recently got a “second chance” – basically on life – after a very bad accident. I think her outlook now is very different than before.

I believe when one door closes the second one opens up.

Our good friend Big Sal embraces the “seconds” concept – she’s an avid Goodwill shopper extraordinaire.

It’s like that song by Shalamar from the 1980s – “the second time around is so much better, and I'll make it better than the first time”.

Responsible Reporting

2008-06-30T10:02:00.008-04:00

Abby says:

In a school assignment last week we were asked to read a recent New York Times article that talked about Wikipedia breaking the news of Tim Russert's death. It stated: "Long before Mr. Russert’s death was reported on air, however, it was flashing across the Internet via the text-messaging service Twitter and the online encyclopedia Wikipedia. Television networks have a tradition of allowing a network suffering a death to make the announcement first. Other news outlets, including The New York Times and The New York Post, were about five minutes earlier in reporting Mr. Russert’s death for their Web sites."

So, Wiki broke it before NBC, where Russert worked. What is wrong with this picture? Or, should I ask, is there anything wrong with this picture?

Times are a changin'. I must be a big wuss, and I don't think I have the chops to be a reporter. The thought of reporting news of a death before family members are notified is not acceptable to me as a person. While I understand the goal of news outlets breaking big stories fast and first, where is the taste level? Do we no longer care about human beings? Has the gentleman's agreement gone by the wayside? What if Tim Russert's wife and son had seen this online or heard through the grapevine before being personally notified Tim had died?

According to the article, the Wiki principle states "No Original Research" yet this site has other times, been the place where news has broken (according to the Times article).

With all the access we have to online social media outlets, the challenge is only going to grow. Citizen journalism is now at work. While I love having instant access to breaking news, is there a line we don't cross?

Sheri says:

I think the line went away and I find it scary. Full-fledged journalists compete with hackers. Everyone wants to break the story and the hackers do not abide by journalistic ethics. Tim Russert’s death is one example but sadly, there are many more.

The journalism code of ethics includes verifying a tip or a rumor with a credible source before reporting the story. Even if the source must remain anonymous, the writer must be satisfied with the truth of the information. The Internet writer does not abide by this credo. Any gossip or tidbit (true or untrue) is fair game. Many times these stories turn out to be false or at the very least, slanted, and it’s too late. The rumor is out there and it’s destroying someone’s reputation or life.

Yes, I am on the Internet every day and I do like the immediacy of the information. But, I am still grasping tightly to the traditional media outlets. My respect goes to the reporter who gives me the quote or the sound bite and then gives me the background. My interest is piqued when someone bothers to do the leg work and give me the full story.

Abby says:

Unfortunately, the good online journalists are now competing head-to-head with the "hacks" now that the worldwide web is our playing field.

Summer Reading

2008-06-17T09:17:00.004-04:00

Sheri says:

Abby and I are avid readers. On our previous post, we discussed how younger generations are reading less. As long as they keep publishing books, I will keep buying and reading. I like to discover new writers but like most people my age, I gravitate to my favorite authors and my guaranteed escapes. We are such dorks that we call each other and say, “So and so’s book is coming out next week.” At least twice a month, we meet in a bookstore and this is BIG FUN for us.

Time is short and we all feel the pinch. Reading for pleasure feels a little indulgent. I still squeeze it in. I am one of those people who always have a book in my bag, a book in my car and certainly a book on the nightstand. My favorite reading time is on a plane or on vacation. Sometimes I take a little trip to my neighborhood pool, plop on my sun glass readers and settle in. I don’t need a spa; I need to relax. Reading does this for me.

Lately, I’ve read:

The Last Promise – Richard Paul Evans. Schmaltzy and a great escape.
Change of Heart – Jodi Piccoult. Thought-provoking, as usual.
Charley’s Web – Joy Fielding. It resonated with me and choices we all make.
Just Who Will You Be? – Maria Shriver. It made me feel good for not knowing it all.
Mosaic – Amy Grant.
The Race – Richard North Patterson. One of my favorite authors.

I recommend them all. I have a stack that’s waiting for my attention. The dust bunnies will wait. If I can capture some time here and there, you’ll find me near water with a book in my hands.

Abby says:

Yes, I try to read every single night before bedtime no matter how late it is. On a weekend, give me a good book and a glass of wine, and I’m a happy camper for 48 hours! I love to escape and see where authors will take me and who I will meet along the way. I have even discovered my favorite restaurant and shopping haunts across the U.S. reading books. I especially love discovering new authors then reading all their old titles. Pure fantasy land.

My favorites this summer are:

Wikinomics: The Expanded Edition – Don Tapscott. Fascinating tour into the world of wikis and how big companies like P & G are thinking in today’s world and using the internet to compete globally.

Bull’s Island: Dorothea Benton Frank. Southern romance and scandal meets Manhattan excitement. A new author for me.

Love the One You’re With: Emily Giffin. A great love story revolving around what happens when you’ve already said “I do” and an old flame shows up.
Abandon: Carla Neggers. Mindless reading combining romance, police suspense, a New Hampshire lake house and a happy ending.

Sheri says:

Reading also sets a great example. If your children see you shut down the computer and pick up a book, they pay attention. When my son was in high school, he had massive reading lists -- usually the classics. I reread many of them so to his horror, we could discuss them.

There's nothing wrong with being wired in but I also like to encourage the young people in my life to unplug and crack open a book.

Net Gen Reading Habits

2008-06-13T09:05:00.004-04:00

Abby says:
I was astonished when happening upon an article this week in USA Today regarding the reading (or lack of) habits in kids. It stated that “many kids in the U.S. are too busy, too distracted and, in some cases, to tired to read books for fun, a new survey finds, suggesting that schoolwork, homework and diversions such as YouTube and Facebook keep them from regularly enjoying a good book.”

This is somewhat appalling to me, especially because I am currently working on my master’s degree in book publishing. It’s also sad. Then again, I am trying to keep an open mind. Younger people in the Net Generation are different than I was when growing up. They have access to things we never did – i.e., the computer, the cell phone, the PDA. They rely on the Internet for their information. They are collaborators and “prosumers” in their own right.

While they might not be reading a book, they are perusing and actively participating in online forums and other arenas I am just now learning about. They choose to get their information in different ways than I ever knew. When I was in grade school and high school, you could not keep me out of the public library – especially in the summertime. I could not get enough of books and still cannot to this day. Will I ever migrate to an “E-Reader” device? Not likely. I like the touch, smell and feel of a book. For me, it’s part of the overall experience. It’s a stress reliever from toiling over my office, my computer and my PDA all day long.

Sheri says:
I read the same article and it freaked me out. The journalist in me insists that I ask questions and I often ask young people, “What are you reading?” I am appalled at how often they say, “nothing.”

Abby is correct that we grew up in a different era. No Internet; no cable. But, we had our own diversions. They just didn’t involve a screen.

About 11 years ago, we remodeled this house. Our son was 8-years old. We made sure he had a window seat and a comfy pad to recline and read. He will turn 20-years old in August and I still find him curled up in that spot. Of course, he also has the cell phone nearby and the iPod in his ears.

Cracking open a new book fills me with excitement. Where will I go? What might I learn? I prolong the anticipation. I read the acknowledgments and dedication. Then I flip to page one and settle in.

Din-din-dinnertime

2008-06-10T16:08:00.002-04:00

We’re thrilled to have our first guest blogger, Rosemary O’Brien. In addition to running a small business and being an accomplished writer and author, she manages to raise children and run a household. She resides in Connecticut with her family. Welcome Rosemary, and please visit her blog as well.

Rosemary says:

The other night, I prepared dinner while simultaneously sending an e-mail to a client. The computer was running very slowly due to a scan that goes on automatically when I have the least amount of time to work. As I flew back and forth between office and kitchen (other office, it seems!), I realized how inconvenient dinnertime is for me. The family likes to eat around 5pm or so, and I need to stop my work to get it going most of the time since my husband does not cook and usually arrives by 5 if we are lucky.

Anyway, I would happily eat a piece of cheese and a cup of coffee at my desk just so I could continue my train of thought or current project. I don’t know about anyone else, but give me a chance to work through the night and sleep all day the next day, and I’m on board. The problem is this: kids have to eat. It’s a rule. Besides, they will migrate into my office and start chewing the legs of my chair if I wait too long to put dinner on the table.

So every day, I stop what I am doing to put a nutritious dinner on the table and wish I was able to continue working for a few more hours without breaking my stride for such an extended period of time.

Is this a “Mom Thing?” Is it a “Woman Thing?” Perhaps it is just a “Workaholic Small Business Owner Work-At-Home” thing?

Oops. ‘Gotta go start dinner again.

Sheri says:

I no longer worry about a nutritious meal for a family. It’s a huge relief. Like Rosemary, I could gnaw on a hunk of cheese and a piece of bread. I figure that since our kids are grown and the husband is an adult with many commitments, he can grab something with a client or friend. He can make himself a sandwich. He can punch a few buttons on the microwave.

But, it is ingrained in us. My husband likes to show off as the chef, and he’s good at it. Nobody seems to notice that someone else did the grocery shopping, the chopping, made the salad, etc. My least favorite phrase is, “Oh, we’re just going to throw something together!” Somebody has to make it happen with the prep work.

I love the holidays. I decided long ago that my mother had served her time. She’s a fabulous cook and always helps with everything, but I have been doing holiday meals and celebrations for quite some time. I’ve been known to throw a mean dinner party for the husband’s clients or friends.

Abby loves to peek in my fridge. She often teases me about whatever food stuff is in there. I still cook occasionally. I enjoy it because it’s not an obligation; it’s my choice.

Abby says:

I have no children, so my microwave gets more use than my shower, toilet and garage door combined. When I was married my husband often relied upon me for a meal, so I used to actually cook food on the stove and in the oven. I enjoyed it. Now, my fridge typically has some food items with mold growing wildly. I need to be more diligent about keeping track. I don’t know how working moms like Rosemary and Sheri have done it. Sheri always has some nice leftovers in her fridge. I often wish I had the time to cook.

The Unimportance of "Stuff"

2008-06-02T15:44:00.007-04:00

Abby says:
A few posts ago, Sheri and I talked about clutter and accumulating too much stuff. Over the last couple weeks, I have truly learned the meaning of "life's too short" and how insignificant material items and "stuff" really are.

Two weeks ago, my dad took a very bad spill (face first) and really hurt himself. We are lucky. He is ok.

Over Memorial Day weekend, we had a near family tragedy. Luckily those involved are alive, but it was one scary road in the emergency room and days later at the hospital. We were amazingly spared.

Two days later I had a personal health scare. It turned out to be a false alarm. Phew!

This past weekend, massive storms and a tornado hit Indianapolis. I lost my power for half a weekend. Big deal, no harm done. My friend and colleague Cheryl lost part of her house -- as the tornado swept through her neighborhood -- which is only 5 miles from where I live. Her house sustained damage. Her neighbors lost their roofs. She and her dog are remarkably ok. She said the comparison of a tornado sounding like a "freight train coming through" is more true than you can ever imagine.

While I have struggled on and off over the years with organized religion, I have never once doubted the power of God. The events of the past two weeks just strengthened this belief 100 fold. It's also a reiteration for me, "the queen of stuff", that material things just don't matter. At all.

Sheri says:
What is that saying? “Sometimes God taps you on the shoulder. Then, he throws a rock. Next you trip over a boulder.” I don’t know if that is true but I think about it.

That reference is aimed at me, not Abby. If I had been through what she’s been through in the last week to 10 days, (or few years,) I’d have folded like a house of cards. She’s strong and lots of people count on that.

God does allow bad things to happen to people. Is it a test? I don’t know the answer but I know it happens every day.

Abby says:
Life can be over in a nano-second. It hit home the last two weeks. I am thankful and grateful in a brand new way.

Guest Blogger

2008-05-22T13:48:00.007-04:00

Abby says:

Today, Sheri is appearing as a guest blogger on "Writing Military Mom" a blog written by one our our colleagues, Rosemary O'Brien. Rosemary is a writer/author that Sheri and I met in New York City two years ago at an author conference.

We have continued to correspond and keep in touch. Rosemary lives in Connecticut with her husband and her sons.

Check out the post by clicking on the link above.

Dogs with Jobs

2008-05-20T18:33:00.002-04:00

Sheri says:

Abby and I are both dog lovers. In the 20+ years of our friendship, we’ve celebrated new puppies and grieved the loss of a beloved pet. Abby held my hand and scraped me off the floor when my previous Lab had to be put to sleep.

I’m partial to Labs; she’s partial to Boxers. One of her first Boxers ate a bathroom and most of the living room. She also heaved herself on my husband’s head during a puppy frolic. I can’t tease her too much. I’ve had Labs destroy their fair share of my material things.

Not all dogs are destructive. When the horrific events of 9/11 were unfolding, Abby and I watched in stunned shock. When we weren’t together, I kept the phones near my ear in case I accidentally dozed off. This went on for days. In the midst of the ruins, they brought in the dogs. My husband refers to these as, “Dogs with jobs.”

If a child goes missing, there’s a dog with a job on the case. Chances are your local fire station has a Dalmation – it’s a job. Walk around the airport and those bomb-sniffing dogs take their job seriously. The physically impaired and the blind rely on service dogs. Your police department probably has a K-9 patrol. Mine does.

My dog does not have a job except to bark at air. I remind her occasionally that she’s a slug. She gives me a look that lets me know I am one also.

Abby says:
Yes, and how about the dog who “knew” his owner was terribly ill – prompting a medical exam that led to a cancer diagnosis? And, the dog who pulled a family safely from a house fire? My, Maggie (a Boxer/Shepherd mix rescue) has a job: eat, sleep, play and protect me. It’s totally a dog’s world.

What prompted this post is that one of my clients living on a farm in Kentucky got to talking about his dogs. He mentioned that one of them – a Great Pyrenees “guards the goats”. I had no idea what he meant. I even had to Google the breed name. What a great job – to guard the farm goats from foxes, coyotes and other wild scavenging animals. He also has other breeds of dogs whose job it is to guard certain areas on his farm. I might also add his Great Dane recently had 14 pups. Yes, I said 14 – pups – that will soon turn into small ponies.

I am always amazed at the smarts our dogs exhibit – even those who are not formally trained outside of being a house pet. When my former Boxer, Sadie, was dying of heart disease (after years of thousand dollar vet bills and multiple medications to sustain her life) she often stood in one corner of my living room facing the wall. It sort of became “her final resting place”.

When I first brought Maggie home from the Humane Society, she went right to that corner – and sat facing the wall. For many months thereafter, she would sit and stare quietly, as though she and Sadie were corresponding and in cahoots. Whenever she sat there, she did not wish to be bothered, petted or spoken to. It was a little unnerving. She still occasionally hangs out in “the corner”. Dogs must know things we don’t.

Sheri says:

Of course they know things. That’s why we love to hang out with them.

Simplifying

2008-05-15T12:54:00.001-04:00

Sheri says:
I read an article the other day about simplifying. The woman profiled had reduced her wardrobe to the following:
5 pairs of pants
5 shirts
1 sweater
3 pairs of shoes: winter boots, everyday casual shoes and a pair of heels.
1 dress
2 coats: one heavy and one lightweight jacket

What fascinated me was the woman was not destitute. This was a move of choice, not desperation. She owned her home and had a healthy income. She simply decided to live with less stuff.

I walked through my home and realized (again) my abundance of clutter. It’s probably time for me to let some things go. I won’t manage to do it to her level but maybe, just maybe, I could take some baby steps.

Too much equipment, too many books, etc. We all have our vices.

When I first read the article, I misread it. I thought she meant she only had five pairs of jeans or five pairs of black pants. Three pairs of shoes? I thought she was just counting by category.

She also simplified other things in her life, but just thinking about the closet exhausted me.

Abby says:
I applaud this woman whoever she is. I wonder what prompted her to clean house. I think simplification can be very cathartic. Sometimes cleaning out physical possessions can help to cleanse our minds and put more important things into perspective. Maybe she experienced a life-altering event that required her to make a big change.

I have way too much. I don’t buy extravagant things. My vice is going to Target and scoring a cool pair of $19 Converse tennis shoes or a spicy aromatic candle on the clearance aisle. The problem is, I do that a lot. Therefore, I've accumulated a few pair of Converse tennies and several candles sitting in my cabinet. There is some type of comfort in being surrounding by “things”, yet once you have those things they can make you crazy when you have too many.

At the moment, it’s hard to think about material things when you see those recently affected by the earthquake in China or the people suffering from the loss of their family members due to the cyclone in Myanmar.

If we were all forced to do what this woman did, somehow I think we’d be fine.

Texting Lingo

2008-05-09T10:23:00.001-04:00

Abby says:
Ok, so I have proudly broken into the world of text messaging. Until I purchased my iPhone (which I must say has been the best technology gadget to ever benefit my business) I never really texted. With my current data plan, it's free, so I decided to slowly tread into the waters of this hip cyber typing experience. I have learned something new!

I've grown to love it because I can correspond with someone quickly if there's no time to pick up the phone and voice mail. With some clients, it's become a great productivity tool when you need to get a quick message to somebody. It's also great between meetings when there is no time to call. Beware: if you have "diarrhea of the mouth" texting is not for you. It's also not for experimentation while driving.

And, I feel like I might be accepted into the cool crowd corresponding with my "younger friends" (much younger I must add) and relatives. I must tell you, though, I've noticed they send me messages with abbreviations, signs and symbols to which I am clueless. Perhaps I am not as hip to the technology as I thought.

After receiving a text with an upside down question mark, I decided to investigate. Upon Googling, I found it's just the Hispanic symbol for a question. Easy enough, but how do you actually type this? Well, it's the "num lock" plus "alt" plus "168". That is too much info for me to remember let alone a stress on my pre-arthritic fingers!

Textmessages.com is a great site if you're looking for a whole slew of text abbreviations. Here are a few they list:
nid = need
nt = not
2moro = tomorrow
f = if
? = what?

Sheri says:
I don't know how to text. My husband uses it all the time to communicate with the kids and I'm a little jealous. I just got a new phone and have made learning to text a priority. Luckily, our son is now home from college so he will try to teach me. It will be a new language for me. I'm not very good with signs and symbols, plus I tend to write in complete sentences.

Once I learn, Abby will be the first to know.

Voting Stories

2008-05-07T10:12:00.003-04:00

Abby says:
I don't think I have ever been as interested in an election as I have this year. While I don't support all the candidates and their views, it's exciting that we have the opportunity to be voting Americans in a free country. I love that high school aged kids have been calling my house during the dinner hour for the past several weeks, pleading their case for their candidate -- even if I didn't plan on voting for their candidate. I talked to them and encouraged them to believe in their cause and stay involved. I love that young people in their 20s have been setting up tables outside near my office, encouraging people to vote in the primary. These kids are the future of our country.

When I arrived yesterday at my voting precinct during the dark hour of 6:00 am, there was a long line. I wasn’t irritated, I was glad. People care, and they are voting. I waited about 30 minutes. An interesting observation I made while watching the goings-on around me: precinct volunteers literally had their hands on the pile of "Democrat"
forms – appearing almost anxious to hand them out as they asked voters which party they declared. This was not just a presidential primary, it was about congress, school board, judges, etc. Was this a subliminal message that people are looking for a change? Or, have they been watching too much of the media talking about cross-over votes? Who knows, but it was mighty fun to watch.

We live in Indiana. Hillary won. But, will she throw in the towel? It will be an interesting few weeks ahead.

Sheri says:
I am way too obsessed with the political process. Indiana has not really counted in the primary elections in over 40 years. Yesterday was our day. The Clintons and Obamas criss crossed our state repeatedly over the past few weeks. To quote one of our columnists, "If you didn't see them, you didn't want to." They were everywhere.

It's nice to have Indiana in the spotlight for something other than a sound bite with someone with bad teeth and bad grammar.

I voted early but unlike Abby, I missed the morning crush. The average age of our poll volunteers is 73+. After I submitted my ballot, a volunteer man came lurching toward me and smacked a "I Vote; I Count" sticker on me. He put it on my breast but I decided to not be offended.

The primary is important. But I'm a tad concerned about the candidates below the presidential level. We have a few buffoons that keep getting re-elected year after year. We have a Congressman who was elected solely on his last name and his grandmother's coattails. We have a person who used to be our governor that I suspect is working and oiling the political machine. That makes me crazy but it is reality.

After I voted yesterday, I had several conversations with neighbors, friends, etc. Two of them referred to Obama as the "Anti Christ." The young people seem to adore him; middle-aged people seem to be skeptical.

I am only one person. I vote. I count.

Abby says:
Even Stevie Wonder showed up for Obama and performed a few songs downtown on the American Legion Mall. Sorry I missed that. He's one of my favorites!

Graduation Advice for Young Women ... and some Older Ones

2008-04-25T15:18:00.008-04:00

Sheri says:

Isn't it amazing how quickly the years go? The time warp has just begun for you.

I'm no expert but I do have the wisdom of a few years. I've made my share of mistakes and I've learned some of the lessons the hard way. If I were speaking to you alone or in your graduation ceremony, here' are some tips I'd pass along:

The Brass ring is different for you than for me.
Don't let anyone define it for you.
Abby says: Work on building your self-worth and self-confidence. The longer you wait, the harder it is to acquire this.

Your size is not who you are but you may be judged for it.
Be comfortable in your own skin. If you're not, learn to fake it.
Abby says: My advice would be work very hard to become comfortable so you don't have to fake it. Don't pay attention to what your friends are doing. Be your own person.

Everything you do or say could wind up posted on UTube, FaceBook or other sites on the Internet.
Sometimes dancing on the table seems like a swell idea. I've done it. Sometimes having someone take your photo while the guy behind you is holding an illegal substance seems harmless. In this day and age, it will come back to haunt you.
Abby says: As Sheri and I heard recently at a conference in NYC, don't put anything on the Internet you would not want to appear on the diamond vision screen in Times Square! Good advice.

Compromise.
I am still learning this. For some of us, it's an ongoing battle. I could've saved myself a lot of pain and tears if I'd tried a little harder. The flip side of this is never compromise if you're selling out.
Abby: Compromise is an ongoing task forever. Learn to embrace it and live it because this will touch every facet of your life.

Know who is in your corner.
Don't take them for granted. Don't be afraid to reevaluate.
Abby says: People are generally "good". Give them the benefit of the doubt until you have reason not to.

Keep your credit and your reputation clean.
You'll save yourself years of headaches and possibly a small fortune.
Abby says: Start now. Don't wait. When you marry, understand his/her financial woes. You'll probably inherit this.

Your boyfriend now may not be the love of your life.
No offense to all of you who have managed to navigate long-distance relationships and have great plans for the future. I know lots of people who have made it work with their high school and/or college love. Just make sure you have explored who you are. Sometimes the love of your life isn't the person you've fallen into a comfortable routine with.
Abby says: My best relationships appeared later in my life. Enjoy singlehood while you are young.

Children.
Most of you will become mothers. With that life stage, you will appreciate your own mothers, aunts and girlfriends even more. Children will shock your mind, body and soul. The responsibility is mind-boggling. Don't take it lightly.
Abby says: Amen.

Have your own time.
Is it a cup of tea and the newspaper in the morning? Is it 10 minutes to read before you fall asleep? Is it 20 minutes to email some friends? Give yourself a few minutes every day. There's a reason they put locks on doors.
Abby says: Even in the strongest relationships, both partners need their "space". Getting involved with someone who does not respect and embrace this may be a control problem later (or sooner).

Take your time.
Some days will feel like a never-ending juggling act. You have time to be a career woman, if that is your goal. You have time to be a wife, which takes redefining endlessly. You have time to be a mother. You will be called on to care for others: parents, siblings and friends. Don't beat yourself up when you can't do it all at once.
Abby says: In recent years, I have learned that being spontaneous is invigorating. Learn this now so you have it later.

Your health matters.
You are young and probably in good health. It's very easy to take that for granted. I warn you ... the weirdest things can creep up on you. Know your family history.
Abby says: Young ladies, have your female check-ups and mammograms EVERY year. Many catastrophic health problems are preventable. If you save money for nothing else now, be sure you keep (or sign up for) your health insurance. I work in health care -- I know!

Embrace technology.
I'm sure you get very tired of all of us old folks reminding you that we grew up with three television channels, no microwaves or VCRs. The computer chip in your cell phone used to take an entire building to house. So, if those changes happened in the 25 or so years since I was in college, imagine what your next 25 years will bring. You already know more than the majority of Americans. Keep up.
Abby says: We're preaching to the techno choir here!

Vote.
And be politically informed.
Abby says: You are the futures of our country.

Know your comfort things.
I like the company of my dog and a cushy pair of slippers. My blood pressure can decrease immediately if I am near a lake or the ocean. The bathtub will do in a pinch.
Abby says: Private time is irreplaceable! Mine is my tub, a book and a glass of wine with no TV or computer.

Roll with It.
You'll make good and bad choices. Don't beat yourself up. Learn from your mistakes and embrace the good in all you do.
Abby says: My favorite motto is "Fess up then Move On"!

Abby Adds:
Diversity Is beautiful!
Everyone is different. Learn to breathe this in and enjoy it. The world is full of interesting people.

This is your time. Enjoy it!

Papal Visit

2008-04-21T13:44:00.003-04:00

Abby says:

This is Abby Marmion, correspondent from Chameleon Co., reporting live from my kitchen table about the Papal Mass. Because of the Internet and these things called blogs, even amateurs can be news reporters, reporting stories as they happen, and broadcast them over the waves of cyberspace.

As I worked on my school presentation Sunday afternoon, my mom called and reminded me the Pope's Mass in NYC was on CNN. I turned on my TV and was absolutely glued for the next 3 hours. Once a Catholic, always a Catholic, I suppose.

I was raised in the religion and attended Catholic schools for 12 years. While I respect and still believe some of the basic principles, somewhere along the way, I fell off the wagon (like many in my generation) for numerous reasons we don't need to belabor here. So, I guess I am one of those "sometimes" Catholics (as hypocritical as that may sound) and still a stray searching for the perfect religion.

As I watched the public Mass, for the first time since my grade school years, something made me want to be there taking part in this pomp and circumstance. Hmm. Wonder what that is about? Sheri and I should have stayed in NYC last week in hopes of scoring tickets. Other than a Yankees game or a U2 concert, I have never heard such applause in a public venue. Attendees were on their feet from the time Pope Benedict entered the stadium until the Mass commenced. It was somewhat shocking to watch, in light of the numerous scandals plaguing the church.

The Pope somehow exudes mystery, making viewers want to bottle it up, inhale it, and never let it go. I have never seen some 60,000 people receive Holy Communion in a venue this size. It was amazing in and of itself. Unlike a rock concert, he left the stage (altar), but there was no encore. As he departed Yankee Stadium, the crowd was still, and no one moved from their seats.

While I don't support everything the Catholic church stands for (and am ashamed for what's been uncovered recently regarding priests), I respect the Pope. There are many religions I respect. While I am not sure how the Catholic church will recover from all their controversy, I still enjoyed watching this once-in-a-lifetime event. When I was growing up, we didn't have the multi-media technology to view an event like this.

Sheri says:

I am Methodist but I wanted to be Catholic for a while. I tried. Most of my childhood friends are/were Catholic so I spent some time there. My goddaughters are Catholic. I am married to a FARC (Fallen Away Roman Catholic.)

All of the Christian sects were spawned from Catholic beginnings. Methodist, Lutheran, Episcopalian ... even those wacky Baptists.

Am I incredibly naive? As I look at Christian religions, I find very few differences. One is Papal Supremacy. I admire him. I wish I was still in NY so I could see him in person. But I don't think he is God on earth.

Abby says:

I agree with Sheri's comments. FARC? I have never heard that term but I guess it fits me, too.

Powerful Word of Mouth Buzz

2008-04-18T13:29:00.004-04:00

Abby says:

If you want to create buzz, have an earthquake.

I awoke this morning as I always do around 5:15 am and began my normal routine. I rose in the dark, stumbled to find the coffee maker button and turned on the news. Then I went to retrieve my sleepy dog to take her outside. As I stood half awake in my kitchen waiting for my brew and for Maggie to do her biz, I could have sworn I heard a freight train. No trains in my neighborhood. Thunder? Nope, beautiful forecast for today. Then, my floor shook and the bottle of red wine on my white counter top began to move sideways. What the heck?

I grabbed Maggie and went in to look at the TV. The newscasters were having a heyday. An earthquake! In Indianapolis! We're on a fault line, but I didn't know it was that faulty.

Within minutes the local news stations had hundreds of calls and thousands of emails. Everyone was buzzing. Immediate interviews from across the Midwest. That's all they could talk about for the rest of the morning. When I arrived at my favorite coffee house around 6:30 am for some much needed caffeine, it's all I heard. People were buzzing about the earthquake. When I went to lunch, everyone in line was talking about "where they were when the earthquake hit" -- and what they were doing during the recent aftershock (which felt stronger to me than the initial quake).

Wow. "Word-of-mouth- buzz" is incredibly powerful. And it travels so quickly today thanks to the Internet and satellite technology. This never ceases to amaze me. As a marketing professional, I need to figure out how to bottle up this concept and sell it.

Sheri says:

I'm getting used to being clueless. It seems to be my MO these days. The original earthquake happened at 5:30ish this morning. For once, I was asleep. Neither my husband nor I felt or heard it. Only when I turned on the news did I learn about it.

Later, I left for an appointment. I walked in the house to both phones ringing. Did you feel it? I thought my callers were referring to the earthquake this morning but apparently we're going through aftershocks. I was in my car -- I didn't feel that one either.

If a tree falls in the forest but there's no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?

Now I'm looking to my dog to give me a clue of impending weather or another aftershock. Turns out she's as clueless as I am.

Meeting New People

2008-04-17T14:19:00.003-04:00

Abby says:
The other day I awoke around 7:00 am -- which for me, is like being on vacation. I slipped into my workout gear, grabbed my iPod and headed to the fitness center. I sleepily stepped up onto the elliptical machine, turned on the Today Show, put my headphones in my ears and began my workout. This was no ordinary workout and no ordinary day. As I peered out of the hotel fitness center's floor-to-ceiling window on the top floor, the sun was brightly reflecting on the ornately carved silver building facade across the street. This was my final day in New York City -- my most favorite destination.

Sheri and I had been attending our annual writer/author conference for the weekend, and it was time to go home. We always meet the most interesting people with interesting stories to tell, and this year was no exception. I found that the "six degrees of separation" concept still holds true.
We joined a random group of writers for Saturday dinner. When we all sat down and began talking, I realized the people at my end of the table were all medical writers -- just like me. I am not sure how that twist of fate happened.

· Judy, who was sitting next to me, was writing a book about being a "replacement child" -- being conceived after the death of her sibling when a plane crashed into their home.
· Elyse was an author from Midland, Michigan. I know one person from Midland -- my best friend from high school and college with whom I recently reconnected. And, they are both nurses! How weird is that?

· Kim had recently scored a book agent and was writing about big name athletes (of course I cannot mention which ones).
· Then there was Martha, who was writing a book about a home out East infiltrated with demons. She was interviewing priests from the Catholic Church as well as the home's residents.

At breakfast, we met Tireska. I cannot remember what her current book was about, but she had Demi Moore silky dark hair, perfect skin, kitchy spectacles, cool clothes and a sophisticated British accent from living in the UK the last seven years. At that moment, I wanted to be her.

I also had the opportunity to meet and have lunch with my professor, Melissa Rosati, from my Master's program. That was a great treat. She took me around the building where our graduate classes are and I got the official tour. It was fun to see what I have only imagined via my cyber classroom experience so far.

This was a great trip and an opportunity to decompress and escape into the deep dark caverns of my mind.

Sheri says:
I have been to this conference and to Manhattan many times. It never disappoints -- neither the city nor the conference. The energy and the passion is contagious. Plus, it lets me reconnect with Abby in a way that our daily lives do not allow.

We've attended this conference for enough years that now we see familiar faces. Abby is much better at networking and meeting new people but she allows me to tag along.

We spent lots of time with fellow writers and journalists. I was inspired by their ideas and various projects. Some conferences and writer's groups get colloquial and secretive. Not this event. People openly share their projects, their ideas, their mishaps, etc. I learn a lot in the seminars but I also learn from the other attendees.

The flight home is bittersweet. I replay the people I've met. I try to sort through new goals. I press my forehead against the window and say a silent good-bye to Manhattan. To quote someone near and dear to my heart, "I'd live there if I had a k'zillion dollars."

Abby listed several of the talented writers we met and/or reconnected with. I have one more.
We went to the Capitol Grille for a drink and to decompress. Our server was Patrick and he did the usual shtick -- Where are you from? What are you in town to do? It turns out Patrick is also an aspiring writer. We returned one other time and Patrick bought us a glass of wine. (That may happen in Indy but it's pretty rare in Manhattan.)

In my college years and early 20s, I used to think I would live in Manhattan. It didn't happen. Life threw me some different paths.

But I will go there at every opportunity and I will absorb the energy. For a second, I will wish I was 20 years old or even 30 years old and would've made a few different choices. And I will look forward to next year.

Reconnecting Friendships

2008-04-10T06:55:00.006-04:00

Abby says:
I am a voracious reader. It's my escape for an hour at the very end of my day -- no matter how late. Because my business is somewhat high-energy, I typically choose to escape into a dark cave of mystery novels, medical thrillers or romantic trash novels. Last weekend I was perusing the new fiction releases at Barnes & Noble and noticed a cover that caught my eye. It was something about the soothing aqua colored design that drew me to read the book jacket.

The author is Kristin Hannah. The book is "Firefly Lane". The story unfolds with two young girls who become friends by chance, and their friendship blossoms into many years intertwined with happiness and tumult. I was not totally sold until I noticed the end of the jacket -- which talked about the music group ABBA and listening to "Dancing Queen". Somehow this reference made an instant connection with me. I was thrown back into my early years of sweet memories.

The book was moving. Amazingly, I have branched out and read something that is not a trash novel. It opened my mind. Hannah has an amazing talent and a knack with descriptive language that brings you into the story. The ending is completely a heart break that brought a lump to my throat and a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Most of all, this book reminded me of my friendship with Sheri. We have endured many, many years. Some have been good. Some have been great. Some have been bad -- some even totally void of contact. Sheri makes me laugh. Sheri makes me angry. Our friendship has seemed distant and far away recently -- we're both dealing with our own lives and issues.

"Firefly Lane" made me look at our friendship in a completely new light for which I am grateful. The next time Sheri makes me mad I will try harder to let it roll.

Read this book.

Sheri says:
What a shock to learn that I make Abby mad sometimes!

I have also read this book. I’ve enjoyed the author for years and it’s been interesting to watch her writing style evolve. As Chick Lit, this is a great friendship story, and for any woman in her 40s, it’s bound to take you down memory lane.

You will see yourself in each of these characters. At least I did. I will take the recommendation a little further. Yes, read the book. Then, take a fresh look at your friendships and reconnect where necessary. I’m going to try to take my own advice.

Local Indy Author Goes Green

2008-04-08T08:54:00.007-04:00

Abby says:
My friend Kate Shoup is an author here in Indianapolis who has written several “how-to” books for big-name publishers. Unlike many authors who are required to find an agent and pitch their projects, Kate is sought after to write books for these publishers. She’s incredibly talented. Her mom Barb is also a well-known author who writes for the young adult audience.

Kate has written cool stuff like “Not Your Mama’s Beading”, “Bargain Shopping Online”, “iPhone Visual” (which I’m currently reading). And, techy stuff like “Easy Microsoft Windows XP” – ironically co-written with my high school pal, Shelley O’Hara (small world!). She also wrote “The Agassi Story” about tennis player Andre Agassi.

Like a lot of people, Kate’s now gone "green". She just published a new book – an idea she pitched to the publisher – called “Rubbish!: Reuse Your Refuse”. If you’re crafty, you’ll love it. Even if you’re not, it’s worth the read. She creates cool projects out of everyday throw-away items. My favorite project is a handbag made from a light aqua, soft and fuzzy turtleneck sweater. I am not particularly talented in the crafts arena, but I may attempt this one.

I went into Barnes & Noble over the weekend hoping to purchase the book, and low-and-behold, they didn’t have it. I teasingly scolded the woman at the information counter and told her Kate is a local author. They need to carry her book! She immediately ordered copies for the store (plus one for me) and also asked me if Kate would consider a book signing.

To check out Kate visit kateshoup.com. To check out the book visit Amazon.com.

Drawing the Line

2008-04-01T12:01:00.005-04:00

Abby says:
Chelsea Clinton campaigned for her mom here in Indianapolis last week at Butler University. During the Q & A she was asked by a male student whether the Monica Lewinsky scandal had hurt her mother's credibility. She retorted "Wow, you're the first person actually that's ever asked me that question, in the, maybe 70 college campuses that I've been to." (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REbD19UNCmo )

Was that an appropriate answer? Since she's put herself out there on the campaign trail, was that fair game during questioning? As members of the voting public, what is and isn't our business regarding a White House scandal that entwines the candidate's husband? Where do we draw the line?

The fact that Hillary stayed with her husband was a personal decision. Did it hurt her credibility? Who knows. Taking into consideration they were raising a daughter together, leaving Bill may have hurt her credibility more than staying. If the tables were turned and it was Hillary who publicly cheated on Bill, would we even be having this discussion? No matter what her decision, I am not sure this issue is pertinent to her ability to run our country.

Sheri says:
I watched this. I thought the question was inappropriate. I think it’s fair game for Bill or Hillary but not Chelsea. She was a child during the Lewinsky affair. Although she had to endure it, her opinion of that whole fiasco does nothing to define how Hillary would serve as president.

In the 1980 election, we learned that President Bush self-diagnosed an alcohol problem. We also learned he hasn’t had a drink in decades. Is it my right to know if a candidate smoked pot in college? Is it my right to know if a candidate tried cocaine decades ago, when he or she was not in public office? Is it my right to know if a candidate has visited a psychologist or psychiatrist to work through a troublesome time?

Some journalists and some of the voting public enjoy asking questions for the shock value. As a voter, I need to know where the candidates stand on the issues that they will have the ability to impact. A lot of the other stuff is fluff and titillating.

I may watch it but it doesn’t sway my vote.

Election Thoughts

2008-03-31T07:27:00.012-04:00

Abby says:
Ok. I am over the news media. We are still a ways away from the election and it's all we've heard for months. I love living in the US and the freedoms that accompany it, however, this election is getting under my skin -- which is too bad -- because so many countries don't have this opportunity.

Sunday night I was sitting quietly on my couch watching "The Godfather" drinking a glass of red wine when the phone rang at 8:00. Hmmm, I wondered. Who could be calling at this late hour? Well, the called ID was a residence of which I did not recognize. Assuming it was a volunteer calling for the AmVets, I answered. I always talk to them when they call for clothing and furniture donations because I help them out when I can.

Not to be. Instead, it was an extremely pushy woman who wanted to know if I was going to vote for Mr. Obama. I told her my vote was absolutely none of her business. She repeatedly kept pushing and prodding. She then told me she hoped I was registered to vote. That stung. I was so incensed over this I hung up on her.

Not only is this campaign about candidate-to-candidate mud-slinging, but some candidates are obviously reverting to low tactics that involve urging volunteers to push (in very irritating ways) their wares. I am over that. It's too bad, and maybe I am too PollyAnna. While I realize there are several important issues at hand, shouldn't the election be a celebration of our freedom? It's hard to get beyond the media to discern what platforms the candidates really stand for.

Sheri says:
I watch all of it with a passion. I’m afraid of McCain, Clinton and Obama – all for different reasons. Lots of highly qualified people will never run for office, let alone the highest office in the land. So we look over the candidates and vote accordingly. These are strong and accomplished people. But once one aspires to reach the voting public, the political machine takes over. I’m pretty sure this was not what our founding fathers had in mind.

It’s been a long time since I was 18-years old and a newbie voter. I still take this right seriously and in some ways, I consider it my duty. I get annoyed with people who don’t vote. I get anxious when people tell me they just pull the party bar.

Like Abby, I don’t want to be part of the poll and the endless phone calls are crazy. I wish we had refined our system long ago.

Am I hung up on this lunatic minister that Mr. Obama has been associated with for decades? I haven’t decided. Is John McCain’s age an issue? Will he keep us in this never-ending war? I haven’t decided. Does Hillary’s experience as First Lady and then senator make me trust her more or less? I haven’t decided.

I’m not over it. I’m paying more attention every day.

Abby says:
Maybe Tim Russert from "Meet the Press" will put his name in the hat. He seems to grasp the issues facing country better than most of the candidates. I might even vote for him.

Filling the Void

2008-03-26T15:27:00.001-04:00

Abby says:

What happens when the task you spend 90% of your time doing suddenly goes away one day? Without notice, there is a big, scary, lonely void to fill. My friends are there.

Sheri has spent the better part of two years caring for her in-laws. One day they just showed up from Mississippi and moved in "temporarily" with Sheri and her husband. Two years and lots of unexpected care giving later, her mother-in-law suddenly died. Six weeks after that, the father-in-law died too. While Sheri tried to "have a life" during all of this, it didn't work too well in my opinion -- as an outsider looking in.

My other friend "S" is in a similar boat. Her mother is about to turn 93 and has been "on the verge of death" for at least two years. She is the only sibling living here in town, so everything has fallen to her. She bores the entire burden (quite graciously I might add). She told me last night, the end is truly here.

I wonder, how will my two friends fill the voids and how does one begin to cope with that feeling of total emptiness? Even after someone passes, and the caregiver is relieved for many reasons, it's still difficult beyond imagination. After the grief lies the thought of "what do I do now".

Sheri says:

There are many of us in this boat. It’s almost like Noah’s ark; we’re boarding two by two.

I can’t deny that trying to have a normal marriage, deal with household issues and children, plus dealing with elderly care did not have an impact on my life. I am still picking up the pieces, especially when it comes to my business. Abby is right. Care giving turns you into a different person.

I am grieving and I miss my in-laws. But, I am proud of my efforts on their behalf. When I look at the void, I am excited. Our children are building their own lives. No one is harping at me to take them to the hospital or deal with medications. Business opportunities are mine to pursue. I don’t have to turn down trips because I’m afraid of my in-laws burning my house to the ground.

Yes, there’s a void. There are also a lot of experiences that I’ve had to bypass in the last few years and I’m ready to join the world again.

Body Image

2008-03-10T15:27:00.002-04:00

Sheri says:

Like most adult women, I’m often concerned with the images we’re giving young girls. What is perfection? Is there such a thing? Most 12-year olds don’t understand air-brushing in Photo Shop and most 40-year olds wish for it. Still, the media does us all a disservice when they put photos out there of unrealistic and unobtainable images. I get it but does your teenager?

I fall into this trap. I have a daughter who is beautiful. I have two goddaughters who I pretend not to know when we’re all in bathing suits. I’m not exactly jealous of their bodies; I’m just trying to figure out why or when mine went south. And I’m traipsing down memory lane when I was one of the cute girls in a bikini.

Overweight will not be my issue. I don’t think anyone will airbrush me and put me in People Magazine. I’ve earned every line and dimple. Now I must teach myself to not run screaming from the mirror.

Abby says:

Body image goes all the way back to the 16th century – or perhaps even earlier. Why do you think women wore tight corsets? According to Wikipedia, the purpose was to “cinch the waist and hold up the breasts”. So, nothing’s really changed. Today, we just have access to super media and social marketing outlets to hype toned, skinny bodies and surgeons to perfect them. It’s tough for a young girl growing up to define a zone of comfort.

When I was a competitive swimmer, I had quite the perfect bod for many years. Then in college, it became harder and harder to maintain – even when I was training. I’ve been teaching fitness classes for 30 years now. At my age, fitness alone doesn’t cut the mustard anymore. It’s about what you put in your mouth.

I also have plastic surgeons as clients. Am I concerned about my body image? You betcha. It’s a combination of my past and my present. But, I have recently come to the realization that I will never have my 20-something figure back – and I’m ok with that. So my ongoing goal is to stay fit, and maintain a weight where my clothes look good and be comfortable in my bathing suit. I think each person has to find this type of balance – whatever “it” is.

It’s easy to criticize others. I try not to do that. One day at the gym, I overheard some guys in their 40s talking in a derogatory fashion about a woman who had put on weight. I could not help but thinking what big beer guts these guys had – not a pretty picture – yet they were critical. You almost can’t win!

When asked, here’s what friends/acquaintances secretly told us about “their body image”:

* “I am stunned to see a middle-aged (or older) woman looking back at me. I generally feel pretty much o.k. about my body until I look at specific parts and think that I didn't use to look like that. Most of the time, I don't honestly think about it.”

* “Hadn't really paid much attention to myself in detail in the mirror until about 1.5 weeks ago. It started with putting on a pair of jeans that ‘shrunk’ in the wash. Being daring, I decided to prove this was correct and got on the scale. Well, that was off as
well – seemed I gained 8 pounds from nowhere. Glutton for punishment I am, I decided to look in the mirror. AGH! Nothing was lying after all. Lumps were where lumps shouldn't be…Now, all I need to do is get rid of these wrinkles on my face – never thought I would be one to consider Botox, but it's now on the forefront of my mind.....why did I look in the mirror?”

* “When I look at myself I see a not so bad looking older woman with my clothes on. My body image will never be the way it was in my younger years. However, I try to do whatever I can to tighten things up and get fit. I see a big stomach, big butt and a lot of jiggly skin. I am who I am and I love that person, even though she still is out of shape. I don't make unrealistic goals for myself. I try to do the best I can with what I have and leave it at that.”

* “I am currently very upset about my body…I would say I was happiest with my body, between 36 & 44 years old. I felt good & was proud of my figure, especially for my age. Recently though at age XX, my body no longer seems my own. I don't recognize it, I have strange new cellulite, flab, and blottedness. I hate it. I need to make time to get into an exercise routine. I have thought about both Zumba and back to Pilates. I do not feel good about myself. I am horrified that I do not fit into most of my clothing and what I do fit into, I have "stuff" hanging out! I can not look into the mirror without wanting to hurl. Gross Gross Gross!”

* “Obviously, I am having a hard time with myself in the mirror right now because of my 15 to 20 lb weight gain…I do have faith that I will loose these extra pounds when I am fed up and ready. My body image has not changed much since I was young. I am pretty satisfied with what God gave me except I have always felt somewhat fat because of my stomach. It has never been as flat as I would like it to be. If I could just be about 2 inches taller maybe I could have that flat stomach that I have always coveted.”

* “I see things that I feel are holding up well, such as my breasts, considering I breastfed 2 children but I’ve always felt awkward and graceless in the way I move. I think back on when I was a teenager and I know I looked pretty good from old photos but even at the time I felt chunky. I have up and down days on my body image since I had a tummy tuck. I think I look better in clothes than without.”

* “I guess I would have to say that when I look in the mirror naked, I look pretty good and then I try to squeeze into my (one size too small wardrobe) and everything bulges over the top, I get depressed. On the other hand, if I tilt the mirror back, it elongates my silhouette and actually makes me look pretty hot!”

Abby says:

There you have it. It must be human nature to critique our bodies.

Body Image

2008-03-06T10:54:00.001-05:00

Our next post (coming soon!) will address body image.

The good, the bad, and the ugly. Stay tuned.

If You Were the President

2008-02-13T20:21:00.003-05:00

Sheri says:

Public office is not an option for me. I have far too many skeletons in my closet. But, it’s a slight obsession for me. I even put that passion to work by earning a degree in political science. Since it was the early 80s, most of the countries have since changed names and boundaries.

It does not stop me from speculating. If I was elected president and I had to name my top several priorities, I would choose:

Instituting a flat income tax system and a fair property tax system.
Serious healthcare reform.
A change in entitlements across the board – from Social Security to government pension plans.
Changes in gun control.
Accountability in our public school systems.
Homeland security plans that actually make people feel safe.

It’s easy to be the armchair quarterback and of course, I have no idea how to accomplish these goals. But the first person who can explain how he or she will get some or all of these done will get my vote.

Abby says:

I am with Sheri. I do not aspire to hold office – it would be incredibly frustrating to me because things seem to move too slowly and with too much red tape. I have fewer husbands than Sheri but more skeletons, I suspect, making it an impossibility for me.

I have many ideas on what should be done in our country, however, I honestly think these issues are too large for one person to tackle. I don’t know that it can be done. It’s like being the CEO for the most giant corporation in the universe. Money and greed play so deeply into the pockets of the presidential candidates, that once they’re elected, they owe too many favors to too many people. That truly makes “reform” virtually impossible. I experienced this firsthand via a healthcare client who recently traveled to “The Hill” to present information on an important topic.

There was so much obvious positioning and posturing that the issue presented was not going to get the action we hoped for – something that would benefit patients. Rather, the focus was the politicians and what would influence their upcoming votes on various issues.

My top priorities:

Fair taxes (income and property)
Healthcare reform (on both the patient and physician side)
Social Security reform
Better focus on education and literacy (as opposed to the construction of bigger, better NFL and NBA stadiums)
Tighter gun control laws
Development of fair laws regarding entrance into our border
My two questions:
How does one person accomplish these goals in four
years?
What was the last thing a US president did that made a major, positive impact?

Too Much

2008-02-06T13:25:00.000-05:00

Sheri says:

Some things and some people are just too much. Even when it gets on my nerves, I will be the first to admit that I can be too out there and I am certainly guilty of having too much. With that confession, here are some of the “too much” topics running through my mind:

Too Much Information
Unless you are part of my inner circle, I do not want to know about your sex life or your bathroom habits.

Abby says:

I could not agree more. I am always amazed that I often meet complete strangers who feel the need to share personal information with me within the span of a short, friendly conversation. It’s amazing the “dirt” I have gathered!

Too Much Food
Sheri says: This is why I hate buffets. People that feel the need to load up for the week make me lose my appetite.

Abby says:
I think Americans must eat more than any country in the solar system.

Too Much Stuff
Sheri says: I recently helped my husband go through my mother-in-law’s things. (She passed away.) I had a brain flash of someone going through my stuff. I have too much. So did she.

Abby says:

Me too and me three! I have way too much of everything. I don’t know where I got that or why I am that way. Perhaps it is some type of disorder for which I need to seek help. I have often wondered what it would feel like to want to be a true minimalist. Life might be much easier. Some of my happiest years were my poorest years when I was starting out.

Too Much Stimuli
Sheri says: Maybe it’s a sign of my age but I cannot handle the multiple pictures, plus the media scroll, plus the actual show/interview on the screen. How does one concentrate?

Abby says:

As I sit in my bed at 8:00 pm on my laptop checking email, I totally agree. Stimuli keeps me awake at night often. Why do I feel the need to always be connected? I can’t bear to escape my phone/email/Internet. It breaks every sleep hygiene rule any of the docs I work with taught me.

Too Much Stress
Sheri says: Yes, we bring a lot of it on ourselves and yes, some people deal with it better than others. It’s still too much.

Too Much Pressure
Sheri says:This usually comes from a spouse or a parent. And yet, we continue the cycle and do it to our children. A little pressure is helpful; too much is counter productive.

Abby says:

I think too much pressure leads to too much stress. About 90% of my stress comes from self-induced pressure from make-believe deadlines or goals I set. They are ridiculous at times. I recently read that it’s ok to be happy and complacent with where you are in your life. I need to learn to live this motto rather than always trying to over achieve myself. At the end of the day no one cares what I achieve.

Too Much Affection
Sheri says: Again, I’m admitting my guilt. I’m very touchy. But, I get uncomfortable with people who feel free to touch me, kiss me, etc. without my permission.

Abby says:

Oooh! I have a thing about bad body language and invading personal space. I recently gave a lecture about it to a group of healthcare workers. There have actually been studies conducted that discuss appropriate personal space in business and social situations. My rules: Don’t give me a dead fish handshake. I recently had someone do this – a female. Ick! Don’t break my hand when you shake it (my hand is already broken from a previous injury). Don’t touch me if you don’t know me (unless your name is McDreamy).

Too Much Materialism
Abby says:

There is just too much focus on materialism in this world. I cannot believe people actually camp outside Wal-Mart waiting for a WII, an Xbox, Nintendo or other item. That is insanity at its finest. It’s all about wanting to have it “now”. I thank the media for much of this hype. It just continues to feed on itself.

Sheri says:

I may do a lot of wacky things. You will Never find me outside of The Wal-Mart at o’dark thirty. In fact, if you find me outside of The Wal-Mart, you have my permission to shoot me.

Camp Big Sal

2008-01-26T21:14:00.000-05:00

Abby says:
I am writing to you during my last night at camp. "Camp Big Sal" that is. It's a very special destination and it's not really a camp. In one of our early posts, we told you about our workout group -- a.k.a., Sheri's Gym. I am the group fitness trainer, and along with 5 other friends (including Sheri), we workout 3X per week at Sheri's House. Thus the name Sheri's Gym. We've been working out together for many years, and we've even developed gym attire with a logo to make us official.

The best part of this group is the friendships that have developed and evolved.

Sally, who is part of our group, is nicknamed "Big Sal" -- given to her lovingly by her husband. They own a wonderful getaway in Cave Creek, AZ and each January she graciously invites us all out for a lazy week of Lifetime movies, gossip and girl talk, Nordstrom outlet shopping, reading books and sipping margaritas. We've nicknamed our little haven "Camp Big Sal". It's the absolute best vacation anyone could ever want. We awaken and fall asleep to spectacular mountain views, crisp temperatures and the fresh aroma of vegetation found only in the Wild West.

We must all be getting old. Most days we were up at the crack of dawn building a fire at 5:30 am. At night we were typically in our pajamas no later than 5:30 pm -- ready to watch TV and claim our spots on the couch with Sally's two black labs. Our latest night out consisted of driving downtown to the Nordstrom outlet store and arriving home at 9:30 pm -- exhausted from our extraordinary finds -- which ranged from $1.97 must-have designer t-shirts to Coach tennis shoes for $39.97.

This year, however, was a bit sad. Sheri delivered a eulogy today for her mother-in-law, whom they buried in Holly Springs, Mississippi. Mickey planned and attended the memorial service for her father-in-law yesterday. Needless to say, they were not able to make the trip. We talked about them a lot, missed them much and proposed a toast to their families.

When I awaken early tomorrow, it's back to reality.

Sheri says:

It is back to reality and frankly, I'm hating reality at this moment. I'm annoyed and frustrated that I had to miss Camp Big Sal. (How selfish is that?) But, I was there in spirit and as usual, the girlfriends did not let a day go by without checking on me.

At Camp Big Sal, Abby and I are the first ones up. We light the candles and build the fire. We greet each other and then snuggle in our respective chairs with a book. We've all known each other a long time. This is our quiet time. No one feels the need to fill the quiet with mindless chatter.

Camp Big Sal is my refuge. It is a salve that soothes me. But my mother-in-law (who thought girlfriend trips were a bad idea) managed to die and circumvent this one. I don't blame her; I miss her. But, as usual, she got her way.

Old Age and Death

2008-01-21T17:04:00.001-05:00

I am blogging by myself for now as Sheri had a death in her family today.

For quite some time her in-laws have been living with them at their home -- the "oldies" as Sheri fondly refers to them. While it was not the best of living situations, I don't think Sheri was prepared for what happened.

Suddenly, the mother-in-law became ill with pneumonia and landed in the hospital. Then the father-in-law had to go into temporary assisted living as Sheri and Dan could no longer physically care for him. The mother-in-law then gradually went down hill and was placed in hospice this past weekend. Today she died. Just like that.

All of my closest friends are in the midst of varying stages of elder care. It's so very hard. It's like becoming a mother to your own mother and father. I experienced a bit of it last year but luckily just hit the tip of the iceburg. I think about it every day. My heart jumps when I see my parent's phone number on caller ID at night -- wondering if something has happened.

Our friend P. lost her mother-in-law a few weeks ago. Our friend M. lost her father-in-law this weekend. Our friend C. has a 90-something mother who will outlive us all. My friend S. has a 90-something mother who has had numerous bouts with "death" yet is still alive in a nursing home.

It's such a reality check. How do we prepare ourselves for this task and dealing with the caring of, death and dying of our parents?

New Words

2008-01-07T13:52:00.000-05:00

Abby says:
I recently read an article in the New York Times listing new words that got their attention in 2007. I feel clueless – I have not heard of most of these. Here are my favorites:

* Pap (photo taken by paparazzi). Sorry, makes me think of Pap smear.
* Vegansexual (person who eats no meats, uses no animal-derived products and does not have sex with a non-vegan). This has gone a bit too far…
* Mom job (a mommy makeover)
* Navy shower (short shower which requires you to turn off the water). I remember my granny talking about something similar called a “PTA”. You figure it out.
* Forever stamps (stamps you purchase that will cover the price of a first-class letter, regardless of postage increases). The problem is that not all postal workers understand what these are when asked…

Sheri says:
I love new words. I have heard of all that Abby mentioned except the Navy Shower. My grandmother used to call that taking a “whore’s bath.”

In the same NYT article, I particularly liked:

*Bacn (email alerts, newsletters, etc.) You’re trapped because you have chosen to receive them. Forget Spam.
*Crowdsource (a different version of outsourcing. Gathering a group of people to work on a single problem.)
*Global weirding (Severe or unusual environmental activity, often attributed to global warming.)
*Multi-dad (Said of a woman who has children by more than one man.)

Some words stick with me because they’re fun to use. Sometimes I make up my own words and expressions but they’ve never made it to the New York Times.

Resolutions

2007-12-18T11:13:00.000-05:00

Abby says:

It’s that time of year again. Time to ring in the New Year with New Year’s resolutions. This year, I’m in a better place than I’ve ever been, and I’m not making anymore resolutions. I’m done with that.

I cannot tell you how much time I’ve spent over the last several years composing ridiculous and unrealistic resolutions. And, of course, I never lived up to them – then felt guilty about it to boot. My favorite resolution is dieting and losing X number of pounds. It never happened! It never will!

My resolution for 2008 is to not have any resolutions. I went through a scary health bout with a family member last year. It made me look at things quite differently and treat every day as though it could be the last. I work hard. I have fun. I have wonderful friends and family. I try to help people along the way. I’m back in school, learning new things and meeting new people. My life so far has been an interesting journey with experiences I treasure. I am so grateful for what I have. I’m just going to keep doing what I do and enjoy each and every day as it comes.

Having said that, why make a resolution?

Sheri says:

Resolutions can be helpful. I made a number of them for 2007 and only succeeded in about half. The other half will roll over to 2008. I’m usually not willing to share my resolutions but I’ll share a few at the end.

Abby and I have been friends forever. I admire her and I think she has the same respect for me. But, we live very different lives.

Abby runs a thriving business and works harder than anyone I know. I am struggling to keep a business alive.

Abby is single. I juggle a household with a husband, grown children in and out, and my two in-laws who happen to live with us.

Abby is super smart. I’m muddling.

So, here are my resolutions (at least the ones I’m willing to share:)

Stop envying Abby.
Eat more.
Enjoy the little moments.

What are yours?

Abby says:

Give me a break Sheri, why do married people always think that “single people” have it easier? While I am single, I also have elderly parents to take care of. They don’t live with me but I am still responsible and do a lot for them.

My resolution for you is to stop talking and take action – think about what Sheri’s needs are instead of everyone else’s.

Sheri says:

I don’t believe Abby has it easier. Not for one second of any day. Nor would I believe that single people have it better or easier. Different does not mean better or easier – just different.

What's on Your MP3 or iPod?

2007-12-05T10:08:00.000-05:00

Abby says:

I use my iPod for two things: working out and kicking back. So, my song list is extremely eclectic. During my workouts, I like music that motivates me such as things with deep drum beats, strong guitar and great acoustics. Earth, Wind and Fire, Bozz Scaggs, Tom Petty, Stevie Wonder, Neil Diamond and Melissa Ethridge are just a few I listen to while I run. There are some evenings after work when I feel like I cannot possibly work out. Then, I turn on my iPod. It’s amazing how music can motivate you to do something you don’t want to.

On the flip side when I’m relaxing, I like smooth, quiet music. Give me Elton John, Billy Joel, Barbra Streisand, Seals & Crofts, Celine Dion, Basia and Gordon Lightfoot. It’s been fun to collect all these great CDs and put them in one place where you can enjoy them all at once.

Sheri says:

I want to be technologically proficient. I’m taking baby steps.

At first, my iPod seemed to have this limitless memory. Now I’m seriously close to running out. So, I’m in discard and clean-up mode. I’m very proud of myself that I know how to do that.

My first CD player allotted for five CDs and then you could put them on “shuffle.” This made me very happy. My iPod allows me to make play lists. (And then I can shuffle them.) This makes me giddy.

You can do the standard categories, i.e. rock, country, jazz, etc. But you can do other customized things like holidays or bad mood days. One of our mutual friends has titled one of her play lists, “Sing along songs.”

I’m very emotional these days so I’m considering a play list of “Cry along songs.” Who knows? It might prove very therapeutic.

Holidays or Hell Days?

2007-11-26T16:03:00.000-05:00

Sheri says:

To borrow and paraphrase from Dickens, here’s how I feel about the holidays: It is the best of times; it is the worst of times.

Let’s start with the best:

* The music and decorations.
* Family and friends abound.
* Sending and receiving cards.
* Filling the stockings and hearing my husband read The Night Before Christmas .
* Our Christmas Eve Open House.
* The smell of the fresh tree.

The worst:

* Missing friends and relatives who have passed on.
* Decorating without the children here.
* Pure exhaustion from the endless running.
* Shopping for people who do not need a thing.
* Knowing the gray days of January and February are just around the corner.
* Coordinating schedules with a grown daughter and a son in college.
* Cleaning up after the tree dies.

Still, certain songs bring a tear to my eye and certain rituals give me great pleasure. So, I choose to embrace the holiday part of it and limit my griping about the hell days part.

Abby says:

I agree with Sheri – there are both good and bad things about the holidays.

Best things:
· Shopping for people you love. They know it’s the thought that counts – not the present.
· Taking a quiet moment when the room is dark and the tree is lit to reflect upon how lucky we really are – even during the worst of times.
· Spending extra time with family members and friends. It’s the only time of year when we all seem to take time.
· Watching my curious puppy dog open her presents. She never re-gifts anything I give her!
· Playing old Christmas music. It reminds me of my childhood.
· Waking up on Christmas morning to the smell of fresh coffee.
· Eggnog.

Worst things:
· Screaming children and run-away strollers in the stores. Stay home or get a baby sitter mom!
· People talking loudly on their cell phones while Christmas shopping. No one needs to hear whether you’re getting the Nintendo or the foot massager.
· Ungratefulness.
· Asking me “Do you have the receipt for that gift?”
· Materialism.

Some of my most vivid childhood holiday memories include:
· Waking up at 3:00 am the day after Thanksgiving and driving to Louisville to compete in an annual swim meet. My poor mom was so exhausted after cooking dinner the night before, but she was a trooper and was ready to drive us all there. We did this every year until I was 18!
· My brother taking the Rudolph the Reindeer ornament off our Christmas tree and dive bombing it onto the roof of the nativity set when we were little. It started an all-out nativity war one year.
· My friend Kathleen’s hair catching fire from a candle during Girl Scout Christmas caroling when I was a young girl.
· Making Spritz cookies and royal icing every year from scratch.
· Going to midnight Mass and delivering a prank gift afterwards to friends of my parents – for many years – at around 1:30 am. It was a totally fun stealth mission. Then they would call us at 2:00 am hysterically laughing.

Stop Blubbering; Stop Mothering

2007-11-14T11:11:00.000-05:00

Sheri says:

Women in the workplace have made gigantic strides in my lifetime. As a young girl, women who worked outside the home were generally teachers, nurses or secretaries. A lot of them did this only until they got married.

I did not grow up this way. My mother went back to work for a large corporation when I was 5-years old. She worked her way up the ladder. She doesn’t consider herself a pioneer or a product of the women’s movement but I do.

Although the glass ceiling is showing some cracks, it still exists. Is that due to the old boys’ network or the things women do to sabotage themselves? Is that because women juggle more with children, household chores and keeping the schedules?

It’s been quite a while since I worked in a traditional office but I have client interactions that allow me to observe office dynamics. Plus, I have a long memory of my time in the banking industry and how women often set their own traps.

In my opinion, here are some traps that hamper careers and make people uncomfortable:

Tears
I can cry at the drop of a hat. I can cry with a sentimental commercial. Crying in the workplace makes everyone cringe. When I was managing departments at the bank, I cried twice. Once was private in my office and the other time was in a bathroom stall. I learned to save it until I got home.

Mothering
Mother confessor is not a role that any serious business woman aspires to be. Stop trying to get your way by bringing cookies. People will enjoy them but they don’t elevate your professional status. When’s the last time your male co-worker or Sr. VP swept into a meeting with his homemade cupcakes or felt your forehead to see if you were running a fever?

Sexuality
Well dressed is preferable. Save being sexy for your own time. Not that the men won’t appreciate it but it doesn’t exactly elevate your professional status.

I wish I could say that I’ve never made some stupid mistakes in the workplace. I have. But, I have a lot of young girls in my life who some day (hopefully!) will be running cities, companies and families. We don’t have to operate by the men’s rules; we can redefine them. But, I think we redefine them by reversing some of the stereotypes.

Abby says:

I think the leaks in the glass ceiling are due to all the issues Sheri has noted. Our generation of women will never have the perfect “seal”. There are industries where the good old boys network is still very much alive and kicking. I witness this from the outside. Because I am a small business owner, I fortunately don’t experience it often. When I do, I subtly and politely make it clear that I don’t support these attitudes and the behaviors that accompany them.

I also think as females, sometimes we are overly sensitive to those things. Our radar goes up. I have worked hard over the years to overcome this. I remember getting in the elevator with Sheri when we were in banking and one of the corporate lenders said: “Here come the marketing gals.” I was appalled. Today, I would handle my feelings differently and let it roll – because I am comfortable in my own skin now.

I am not a crier. I hide my emotions as often as I can in the work environment. When a major work snafu occurs, I more than likely get that barfing feeling to be sick. I never got the mothering gene – I was missed somewhere along the way. While I think the motherly behaviors often carry over into the workplace, part of that is what makes the world go round. I think it’s hard to flip roles when you get to the workplace – especially if you have kids. Most guys just aren’t wired this way. And God forbid that they are – because people assume they are gay.

While dressing sexy won’t necessarily get you a raise, Sheri, you and I both remember one certain person we used to work with who played that card very well. I remember sexy bikini swim suits at hotels on business trips. Yikes! She was incredibly beautiful and successful with the sexy thing and the upper crust management (males) bought it hook, line and sinker. She moved up the ladder quite fast and was not too good at her job.

Girls and Sex Education

2007-11-08T14:40:00.000-05:00

Abby says:

Educating young women about sex has been on the news lately. I am very opinionated about this topic. I grew up in a Catholic household. Sex was not discussed. It was purely something that was reserved for marriage. While I understand that religious beliefs play an impactful role in this topic, girls need to know the facts about sex at a young age. While their parents may have told them to “wait”, they may decide not to wait -- due to peer pressure, the desire to fit in, the need to be loved, the curiosity to experiment, the need to rebel and a variety of other reasons.

I am not advocating for young girls to experiment with sex or become promiscuous. I simply believe that knowledge is power. Lack of knowledge can affect their futures if they become pregnant or acquire some type of sexually transmitted disease that leads to cancer later in life.

I don’t have kids, so maybe I am out in left field. I cringe today when I think of the way I was educated about sex. It was purely by experimentation. And, by friends who were as uninformed as I was. Let’s arm our young girls with the proper information and hope they make better decisions with the facts.

Sheri says:

I think the news item in discussion is the availability of birth control to middle school students. As reported in The New York Times, a school in Portland, Maine has garnered a lot of media attention because the birth control is issued through the school health facility and parental permission is not required.

Like every sane person, parent or not, I believe that middle school children should not have sex. They do not have the physical or emotional stuff. Their brains have barely developed beyond Tinker Toys. Sex is Pandora’s Box. Once you open it, there’s no going back.

We’ve witnessed a lot in the last 50 or so years. It used to be understood that good girls didn’t “do it.” The 60s and 70s brought the sexual revolution and the birth control pill. Roe v. Wade gave women permission to claim their own body. I don’t know a single woman who would actively choose to have an abortion but I know plenty who think this is a private choice.

Like Abby, I was raised with the goal of abstinence until marriage. Unlike Abby, I could (and did) ask my parents lots of questions about sex. They were pretty frank with their answers and allowed me to engage in open discussions.

When I began dating my husband, his daughter was a teenager. Teenagers ooze hormones. We were in a constant conversation about appropriate behavior.

When the son became a teenager, I became a maniac. I made him watch multiple Oprah shows about STDs and unwanted pregnancies. I would pause the tape and make him discuss it with me. All the eye rolling in the world wouldn’t deter me. I walked around behind him saying, “Wear a condom.”

Eventually, I chilled out a bit. My mantra became this:

Don’t do anything that would disrespect your body or hers.
Don’t do anything
with anyone that you would be embarrassed to bring into this house.

Maybe it’s the difference in generations but I never expected either of these children to abstain until marriage. I just wanted them to wait until their brain and their hormones were in sync enough to make wise decisions.

There’s something wrong when an 11-year old girl can’t talk to her parents and needs to go to the school health center for birth control. There’s something wrong when a middle school girl is having sex. The repercussions are mind-boggling.

It’s even scarier when that 11-year old becomes pregnant.

Abby says:

I'm not advocating for 11-year olds to have sex. But girls who are going to have sex are going to have sex.

Better protected and educated than sorry.

Rock and Roll

2007-10-31T10:59:00.000-04:00

Sheri says:

Music is a salve for my soul. I like it all. I’m really into country right now but I grew up on rock and roll.

The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Eagles, Lynrd Skynrd, Chicago and REO Speedwagon were and are particular favorites. Throw in Bob Seger, Rod Stewart and Elton John. Oops, I forgot Billy Joel, Carol King, James Taylor and Carly Simon. I also love the one-hit wonders. I love Motown. I can be mesmerized by oldies … especially Leslie Gore, The Platters or Patsy Cline.

Every song evokes a memory. I had a crush on a certain boy and this particular song makes me think of him. Or, I used to dance and sing to this song with my aunts. I had a pink, plastic case full of 45s. Then I bought my first album: Like most girls my age, it was Tapestry by Carol King. I wore it out.

My first car had an 8-track stereo system. This was before cell phones. Girlfriends could join me as we cruised around and blared our music. It was the best. No one could track you down. My next car had a cassette player. It ate a lot of tapes but it was still joyful when it worked.

I should’ve realized early on that music was destined to be a part of my life. Today, I live with a part-time musician. We have a CD collection that’s absurdly large. Everyone in my household has an iPod. There’s a gigantic piano in my living room that is played every day. Late night Internet searches are not for breaking news -- they’re for lyrics or figuring out who wrote or sang a certain song.

About a hundred or so years ago when my husband and I were dating, he used to play this game: A song comes on the radio and he asks, “Who is it?” Then it’s, “What was on the flip side?” Now we play a similar game on the piano. He starts playing and says, “What song is this?” I can usually answer but I like to toy with him. I act stupid and say, “I’ve never heard it. Are you sure you’re playing it right?” Then I start singing along.

Music is a part of my daily routine. It’s not only the soundtrack of my life. In many ways, it’s my sanity.

Abby says:

Sheri and I share the love for the same music. Music is in my blood. My grandfather, Frank Parrish, was a singer with Tommy Dorsey in the Big Band era. He traveled the county and the world performing.

Elton John was and continues to be my favorite artist. I remember listening to him over and over again when I was a young girl. I still listen. Give me any kind of music from the 70s. It brings back great memories. I compile and burn all my own CDs for the Spin classes I teach. My attendees tell me they love my class music – it’s like going to a mini concert every Saturday morning when we workout.

I agree that music is great for the soul. I love to listen to lyrics and wonder what was happening in the lives of the songwriters/musicians when they wrote them. I recently read 3 great rock and roll biographies/autobiographies: “Wonderful Tonight” by Pattie Boyd – the former wife of both George Harrison and Eric Clapton; “Clapton: The Autobiography” by Eric Clapton; “Elton: The Biography” by David Buckley. They were truly fascinating and a great look back into music history. I recommend reading them if you like music at all.

Are Rules Meant to be Broken?

2007-10-27T11:51:00.000-04:00

Sheri says:

I don’t like other people pushing rules on me. I think my moral code is solid. Not that I don’t mess up occasionally, but in general I make pretty ethical decisions. My husband loves to announce a new “House Rule.” He has some control issues but so do I. We listen to each other and then pretty much do what we want. After this many years, he has figured out that I will make my own decisions.

I enjoy breaking the stupid rules:
Women over 30 shouldn’t have long hair. I break it.
You shouldn’t wear white after Labor Day. I break it.

History shows us that some of the greatest strides made for women (and mankind) are by people who dared to break the rules. I’ll probably never be that brave. But one of my favorite sayings is, “Well behaved women rarely make history.” I believe that was Eleanor Roosevelt.

I follow the rules of society. I try to be a law-abiding citizen. If I’m in a workplace, I follow the rules there. But every once in a while … especially in my own home, I like to be the rule breaker.

Abby says:

I believe in and understand why we need rules, I’ve just always had trouble being dictated to. It started when I was very young, and my parents set rules. I always considered myself one of the grown-ups, so I constantly rebelled. Nothing has changed. If someone tries to impose rules on me today it makes my skin crawl. Now I really am a grown-up and I don’t require direction.

My “house rules” accumulated over the years include:
· Maggie, my dog, is allowed to sleep in my bed. Most of the time she prefers her crate.
· Don’t pee in my toilet and leave the seat up (please).
· Don’t walk out my door and leave it wide open – for bugs and bees (and strange people) to fly in.
· I only clean once per week. Sorry if that offends visitors.
· Load my dishwasher ONLY if you do it the way I do.
· Don’t use my shower and leave my vanity mirror all fogged up.
· Don’t bother to take your dirty dishes to the kitchen if you’re not going to rinse and put them in the dishwasher.
· Don’t wipe your face with my dishrag.
· Don’t drink out of my milk jug. That’s what cups are for.

Media Hounds

2007-10-18T10:55:00.000-04:00

Sheri says:

Ann Coulter made the news recently. Shocker! Many of the traditional media outlets were running clips from CNBC but I needed the perspective so I went to the Internet to watch the interview in its entirety. She’s provocative. She certainly courts the media attention. But, in this scenario, she was making a legitimate point that was misconstrued based on her choice of words.

The catch phrase that caught all of the attention was, “Christians are perfected Jews.” Throw that up on your crawl screen or your blog and watch everyone go nuts. If my little pea brain got it in context, what she was saying was that Jesus was a Jewish person. In the old testament, we honored and learned that heritage. In the new testament, Jesus became the savior for believers. Therefore, he perfected Judaism. This is the foundation of Christianity. Fact or fiction? That's up to you to decide. I know a lot of people who are nodding their heads in agreement.

I’m not a fan or a foe of Ann Coulter. She got her coverage. I’m sure it was well orchestrated. Do you think that choicy phrase was accidental?

There’s far too much intolerance in this world. People like Ann Coulter enjoy fanning the flames. I have friends with all different religious beliefs. I have friends with zero religious beliefs. That is their right. I guess if someone is willing to give Ann Coulter air time, it’s her right to make a provocative statement.

Also in the news, it was announced that Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize. I am super suspicious of the politics involved. Think what you want about global warming but the man has won an Emmy, an Oscar and the Nobel Peace Prize for his work. Many scientists dispute his facts. Many others say he has brought an international crisis to the forefront of our minds. I don’t know.

With so many facts in dispute, I feel like the Nobel Peace Prize is a little tainted.

Abby says:

I don’t care for Ann Coulter. I watched her interview several times and I don’t like what she said. Her remarks were terribly offensive to me. I grew up in a Christian household but we never once thought that just because we were Christians that we were supreme over anyone else. I guess maybe I don’t know what religion I am after all. I have friends of many religious beliefs and to me it’s fine if we all think what we believe is right. That’s the Libra in me – everything in balance. Ann Coulter gets way too much media attention and the media just keep coming back for more. She has the publicity thing down. She needs to cut her hair.

Al Gore? I think there has to be something substantial to all his research. Even to those deserving major awards, there are always politics involved somewhere along the line.

Let's Talk!

2007-10-10T12:13:00.001-04:00

Sheri says:
Some days I am a huge talker. The phone is permanently attached to my ear. Other days, I am glued to email – sending and receiving. Every once in a while, I want to avoid it all but I can’t. I’ll take a break for a few hours but the ding of email or the blinking light of voicemail beckons me.

I remind myself, especially with the Internet, that any opinion or exposure is now “out there.”

Sometimes things are misinterpreted. Sometimes, I should not have sent that email or left that phone message.

All in all, I spend a great deal of time communicating with my friends and family. Occasionally, I don’t handle it with grace. But, I don’t plan to give it up any time soon.

Abby says:
I want to talk. I personally like talking to people – either on the phone or in person. I think our society is too caught up in email and texting. Sometimes I think it’s an excuse not to communicate. Often times, people take the easy way out of difficult situations and send an email. Email has been an incredibly productive tool for my business, however, there have been situations when it’s also blown up.

I once sat in a meeting with clients and one of them said: “We’ll see you tonight for the presentation.” I said: “Huh, what presentation?” He continued: “Oh, I emailed you last night, didn’t you get the email? We need you to present so and so tonight.” I about croaked. Luckily, I was available. I had not been in the office yet that morning to check my emails. Needless to say, it’s a good lesson in picking up the phone and calling someone if you have something important you need them to do!

There was an article in last week’s “USA Today” about Fridays going from casual dress day to email-free day at some companies – to encourage in-person conversation. While I cannot totally delete my in-box on Fridays I may make an effort to try to pick up the phone more often.

White Lies

2007-10-01T10:25:00.000-04:00

Sheri says:

Doesn’t everyone tell some white lies? I do.

* No, your bald spot isn’t increasing.
* What gray hair?
* You look great in that.
* What a cute baby!
* No, that didn’t hurt my feelings.

Actually, I go to great lengths to avoid lying while also keeping kindness in mind. I can dance through a conversation and tango to a new topic.

Brutal honesty isn’t all is cracked up to be. I know honesty is a virtue but seriously, it has its time and place. There are only certain people in my life who have permission to be brutally honest with me. They know who they are and they’re always considerate about it.

White lies are different from big, fat, life altering lies. These might include:

No, I’m not sleeping with her/him.
No, I didn’t gamble away our savings.
I had a physical and it was fine.

The bottom line for me is this: A few white lies to save face or avoid hurting someone are ok. The big lies are never good.

Abby says:

For me, a lie is a lie and there is no such thing as a white lie. Either it is or it isn’t – that simple. That’s my black and white personality coming through.

No, I don’t like to hurt someone’s feelings, but if they ask my opinion, I am going to tell them the truth – hopefully as tactfully as possible. If I cannot, then I won’t answer.

I have told plenty of lies in my life but they were all lies – none of them “white” (or other shades thereof).

Unnecessary Urgency, Now!

2007-09-27T17:09:00.000-04:00

Sheri says:

Abby proposed this topic and my initial thought was -- Good one but I’m not sure what I have to say.

I remind myself that Abby is available to clients, night and day. She makes it look easy and it’s not. She cares passionately about her clients. She responds to urgent demands. That’s part of her success – taking nothing away from her amazing talents.

Not to oversimplify, but some of us are demanders and some of us are responders. I refuse to stand in long lines. I use every connection I have to avoid it. I call ahead. I always know the manager’s name.

Today I needed a new watch battery and there were several people in the jewelry store. I was trying to be unobtrusive but I had a limited time frame. I wrote my phone numbers on a piece of paper and was wandering around, looking for an associate. Here comes the owner. They were falling all over me with service and I don’t buy jewelry.

Abby has found the balance. She’s a responder for her clients. She’s a demander in every other situation. She’s saved my sanity on more than one occasion.

I have yet to find the balance.

Abby says:

Sheri is funny. When I proposed this topic, it’s not at all what I had in mind, however, it fits right in with what I was thinking. To me the “now” problem goes even deeper than clients and work. It’s about what American society and culture have become. It’s the I want it now, I need it now, today, right this minute phenomenon. Perhaps technology in the last 5-10 years has really been the driver of being available 24 hours every day of the year. If you want to buy something, it’s midnight and the store is closed, get online and order it NOW from Amazon.com. If you forgot to tell somebody something that “just can’t wait”, get online and email them NOW. Even my mother calls and asks me to look up the latest medical ailment online at 9:00 at night. I happily do it NOW.

Or, how about: “I’ll call you from the car while I’m driving here or there”. What happened to going on vacation without your cell phone or your laptop? What happened to “I’ll get back to you in a few days with that answer”?

We never stop. Maybe it’s greed. Let’s be the first and do it bigger, better, faster. While I embrace the advances made in technology it’s made life exhausting. It’s not right. We have too much access. I am a guilty participant.

Pretty People

2007-09-25T11:44:00.000-04:00

Sheri says:

Some people are uggo. My husband says these are the people who should not procreate, but of course they always do. Some people are naturally gorgeous – Catherine Zeta Jones comes to mind. The rest of us wind up somewhere in the middle. We can pump up the effort and look reasonably good but if you caught us rolling out of bed, the word “pretty” would not jump to your mind.

Our society has biases about everything. Weight, race, age, ethnicity, religion, wealth, etc. Even beauty.

Pretty people probably get better treatment in stores. There are certain jobs that being pretty is a prerequisite, but only for women. Morley Safer had one foot in the grave and they put him on camera yet, Andrea Mitchell looks younger every time I see her. TV news is a tough job.

Flight attendants used to have weight restrictions. (They called them stewardesses in those days.) Being pretty was another requirement.

Paris Hilton has made a career out of nothing but her looks.

I think pretty people ride high for a while but when the aging process kicks in, it must be terribly depressing. For public figures, it must be awful to overhear, “She’s not aging well.”

Abby says:

Yes, it’s a world based on beauty. Aging Baby Boomers. Vitamins, creams, potions and plastic surgery – all to stay ahead of the aging eight ball. I am a participant. I own all those potions and apply them religiously. New make-up to diminish the appearance of your wrinkles? I’m there. Laser treatments to remove “liver spots”? Bring it on. I highlight my hair in hopes of looking younger than I am. I have even thought about getting hair extensions so I can have long, sexy hair like Gweneth Paltrow. Ever since I was a little girl, I have been intrigued by beauty and glamour. It fascinates me.

I recently had my photo taken publicly for something personally important. In my eyes, I looked like a rhinoceros. It was appalling. My friends were nice and said I looked great. I’d like to take lessons on how to make the camera like me – in case there is a next time. I’m vain (but honest). I was not raised to think this way. My parents taught me that it’s more important to have “internal beauty” than be beautiful. Somewhere along the line I slipped off the wagon and bought into the pretty people concept.

Hopefully I don’t impose my own beauty judgments on other people.

Breaking News

2007-09-17T09:55:00.000-04:00

Sheri says:

I am so tired of everything being designated as, “Breaking News.” The media has overused this phrase so often, it has no meaning. Our country under attack is breaking news; O.J. Simpson’s latest arrest is not.

Abby and I both have journalism degrees. That may not qualify us as experts but it definitely provides a perspective.

The local news is even worse than the national coverage. Our local stations have considered the following things as Breaking News: a fire, (it happens almost every day.) A traffic accident, (It definitely happens every day.) A statement from the mayor or governor, (Duh!) An impending storm, (Isn’t this what the weather portion is supposed to cover?)

Since the phrase no longer has impact, I’ve decided to use it in my everyday life. I will announce to my in-laws, “Breaking News: Dinner in 30 minutes!” Or, I will tell the husband, “Breaking News: I’m going to bed now!”

I might call Abby and say, “Breaking News: I’m sore from workout!”

Abby says:

Sheri and I are both annoyed by this. It’s like the little boy (or girl) who cried wolf. I think it’s a ratings game. Let’s see who can be the most sensationalistic today to boost their ratings tomorrow. I used to pay more attention to this when it occurred on the national news, but even they are doing it. Hopefully if something really “breaking” happens, I will remember to pay attention.

This is an embarrassment to the field of journalism. What’s wrong with these reporters, news editors and producers?

This is a timely discussion for me. I am enrolled in a class in NYC – “Principles of Publishing.” This was a topic of discussion for a few of us in class last week. It happens in the big cities too. My classmates are tired of it as well.

If I Did It

2007-09-14T09:32:00.000-04:00

Sheri says:

The O.J. Simpson book is being released today. Will you buy it?

I followed the entire trial. Actually, I followed both the criminal and the civil trials with a surreal, bizarre fascination. I remember where I was when the criminal verdict of “not guilty” was read. I took a few law classes in my day, plus our daughter is an attorney. One of the first things you learn is that a verdict of “not guilty” doesn’t mean innocence. It just means guilt wasn’t proven.

I am not alone in thinking this man got away with murder. Even his guilt in the civil suit has proven to be a joke. Of the millions he was ordered to pay, he just worked the system, moved to Florida and protected his assets.

In 1984, I was in a Dallas airport. I met O.J. Simpson. He was in his physical prime. He was handsome and charming. Now I’m repulsed that I’ve shaken his hand. The hand of a killer.

Yet, I’m still listening. I’m still watching. I caught a few minutes of Oprah yesterday with the audience debate. One woman said she will buy the book so the money will go to the Goldman’s charity. Then, she will burn it. Interesting plan.

Abby says:

Yes, guilty, guilty, guilty. I am over him and don’t plan to buy the book. He is repulsing and continuing to get way too much press coverage. I’d rather donate some money to the Goldman family. Ok, news media, let’s move on to a new topic.

Names We Despise

2007-09-14T08:56:00.000-04:00

Abby says:

I was applying my make-up listening to the Today Show yesterday morning and heard something so disturbing my skin actually crawled. In response to Meredith Viera’s interview question regarding running for election, Senator Chuck Hagel answered her with the word “dear”. I was somewhat appalled – did he really say that? His tone sounded quite condescending. If responding to Matt Lauer, would he have called him dear? I think not! Ann Curry playfully called Meredith “dear” when they tossed it back to her for the morning’s news. Now, that was funny.

It goes to show you we still live in a man’s world. When Sheri and I worked together at Bank One Corporation, we experienced that quite a bit. The banking world really was a man’s world when we were part of it. I remember one time we were together riding the elevator and one of the men in our corporate lending group (who did not have much respect for marketing people) got in and said: “Oh, here are the marketing gals!”. Ouch! That was humbling. And, we had an internal client who referred to us both as “kiddo”. He’s the same age we are for goodness sakes! And, he reeked of cologne every day.

I dislike being addressed by anyone (other than my grandmother – who has passed on – or a guy that I really like) as “hon” or “honey”, “kiddo”, “sweetie”, “dear”, etc. I think it’s odd when a female young enough to be my daughter addresses me in a store or restaurant with one of these names.

Sheri says:

It’s sad to admit but I have fallen in the habit of occasionally using endearments. But, there’s one big difference. I never, ever use them in a business situation.

When the person at the bank used to call me “kiddo,” I was insulted. Later I started responding to him by saying, “Thanks Pop.” He got the point.

If you are a friend or loved one, I might greet you with, “Hey Baby.” If I ever do this in a business situation, I have lost my mind.

Abby says:

Yes, there’s the BIG difference – never do this in a business situation!

9/11

2007-09-11T12:33:00.000-04:00

Abby says:

I guess I got up on the wrong side of the bed today. Everything has gone wrong from the very start. Poor me. Then I realized in the midst of my so-called “crisis” at work, today is September 11th.

I have a great life. I cannot complain about a thing. I thank God each and every day I wake up for what I have.

I will never forget that day, that week, that month or even that year. I don’t think I turned my television off for a month. I was glued to watching the 9/11 news every moment. New York is my favorite city in the world. Every time I visit, I try to go to Ground Zero for a moment of silence and remembering. It’s hard to believe it’s been six years. Our world is so incredibly different now.

Thoughtless me. I am embarrassed I even thought I was having a bad day today.

Sheri says:

Abby and I have visited Ground Zero several times together. On that incredibly horrible day, we must have talked 50 times. We were glued to the television and the phone. Some journalistic training kicked in, “What do you think that means?” floated back and forth. We analyzed for each other.

The world can only continue to thrive when we pick up the remaining pieces and move on. It’s hard. The threats are still there.

Unlike Abby, my first thought this morning was: Today is September 11th.

Abby says:

As I was driving home from a late meeting last night, my last thought was: Tomorrow is September 11th. How quickly I got wrapped up in “me” and forgot to reflect this morning.